Blurred Reality
by MishaMayhem
Summary: Both Merlin and Arthur are struggling with feelings for each other which isn't helped by their increasing 'happy dreams.' Are the dreams connected? And will the pair realise there is more to their destiny? - A Merthur fic set just after Series 4.
1. Chapter 1

Arthur traced his kisses along Merlin's collar bones whilst running one hand through Merlin's hair, the other hand on the small of his back, his fingers softly stroking Merlin's smooth skin. Merlin's eye lids fluttered as Arthur bit down on his collar bone and began to suck at the supple skin causing Merlin to moan out. His hands were on Arthur's naked hips, which he held not only for the joy of touching him but to stop himself falling, as his knees grew weak, the more of him that Arthur's mouth explored.

Arthur moved back as if to admire his handy work, the small red blotch on Merlin's pale skin. He kissed the mark softly, his lips barely touching yet still enough to send shivers up Merlin's spine, making him shudder. Arthur smirked at the effect he had on Merlin but didn't have the time to gloat as Merlin's hands slid down over his hips and around to his ass which he grabbed pulling them closer together, extinguishing any cold, unwanted space between them.

Merlin held Arthur against him yet waited for Arthur's lead. Arthur's breath was unsteady now as he grew uncomfortably hard against Merlin, who mirrored him. Arthur put his own hand between them and began to rub at himself in order to ease his erection. Merlin took hold of Arthur's wrist moving his hand and replacing it with his own. The blue eyes met the others but neither said anything, just stared, unsure yet unhesitant at first, until Arthur closed his eyes, cocking his head backwards as Merlin rubbed him, the pants still between them.

'Mer...' Arthur gulped. 'Merlin, I err,' Arthur muttered breathlessly. 'MERLIN!'

Merlin opened his eyes hazily and found himself in his bedroom. His own bedroom. Alone. And with a hard on.

'Merlin? Merlin, are you awake?' Gaius called from the other room.

'Uh, err, yeah,' Merlin stuttered. He coughed trying to resume his voice to his normal pitch. 'Yeah, I'm up.'

'Good,' Gaius called. 'There's a bowl of water here. For washing.'

'Erm, thanks Gaius,' Merlin shouted and waited until he heard the click of the door before leaving the room to fetch the water. He didn't want to face Gaius as he felt his shame was all over his face. He hadn't had an 'Arthur dream' for a while now and he'd never had one as vivid. He traced his fingers over his collarbones to feel where Arthur had left the mark but he felt nothing. Of course. It was just a dream.

Merlin washed as quickly as he could, unable to face the shame of looking and touching his own body. The body he only wanted to be touched by Arthur, for some reason. Why it was Arthur that all his dreams and fantasies were pinned on he didn't know. Some things, like a lot of things in Merlin's life, he couldn't control. He had always denied his magic, still did to an extent but he could personally accept them. As for his feelings for Arthur, that was still something he could not only accept but he couldn't fully admit to them, not even to himself, so the thought of admitting it to anyone, especially Arthur, was just ridiculous.

Merlin pulled on his usual outfit and tied on his neckerchief after tracing his fingers over his collarbone one more time. He knew there would be no mark but he could still feel where Arthur's mouth, Arthur's very pink, slightly swollen mouth, had sucked at his skin and gently nibbled. Merlin shuddered remembering the dream and then closed his eyes trying to shut the dream flashbacks out but that didn't help at all. In fact it made it worse. Before things got out of hand, Merlin left the physician's quarters.

Heading towards the royal kitchens, Merlin fell into a daydream of how Arthur would greet him. Of course he knew it would never happen but there was no harm in dreaming, right? Besides he couldn't help it. He tried to not think about it but nothing could distract him long enough. He felt like a young damsel, swooning over the beautiful king, hoping to be the one to warm his heart. For one Merlin wasn't a damsel and he knew Arthur's heart belonged to Gwen.

'What you dreaming off?' Gwaine said. 'Something nice?'

'Uh, what? Nothing,' stumbled Merlin, his trance interrupted and his face growing hot as if Gwaine was able to see right through his head and into his dreams.

'You're blushing!' Gwaine announced. 'Why're you blushing, eh?'

'What's up?' Percival said walking over to stand next to Gwaine as Merlin shrunk in his boots wishing he could just disappear on the spot. Actually, he could disappear on the spot but that wouldn't go down to well. He looked up to Percival and Gwaine who just laughed at him. Percival ruffled Merlin's hair before he could duck out of the way and Gwaine laughed again.

'Don't worry, Merlin. It's only healthy you should have a crush. We won't tell anyone.' Gwaine said his face beaming with delight.

'Honest,' added Percival and they both walked away. It took Merlin a moment to gain the strength to move.

This was just what he needed. Gwaine and Percival knowing meant that the whole five kingdoms would know before lunchtime. It looks like there is harm in dreaming, especially when it's all over his face to read. Fortunately, they probably thought it was just another servant and a girl. Still all the more reason to avoid the knights.

* * *

'Merlin, I haven't got all day,' Arthur shouted. Arthur stood there topless, hands on hips, waiting for Merlin. Merlin stood a few feet in front of him, holding Arthur's shirt and in a complete daze. 'Merlin! Oh for goodness sake, just give me the shirt.'

Arthur grabbed the shirt out of Merlin's hands, snapping him back to reality.

'What's wrong with you today? You're even worse than usual. And with you, that is really saying something,' Arthur said fumbling with his shirt.

'Yeah, well… at least I can get dressed,' Merlin said, his face frowning at the ridiculousness of his own defence.

'And exactly how long does that take?' Arthur said, his eyebrows raised.

'A lot quicker than you,' retorted Merlin going over to help him.

'Not to worry, Merlin. I have something which will wake you up.' Merlin said nothing, silently putting on Arthur's armour and adjusting straps, carefully, not wanting to touch Arthur in fear it would make him blush. 'Merlin. Mer-lin. Are you even listening?' Merlin looked up, with a lost, other-worldly look on his face. 'Oh, never mind. Come on, some of us have things to do.' Merlin raised an eyebrow. 'Training, Merlin. Don't worry, you can help.' Arthur said shaking his head.

'What? Why would I worry?' Merlin said.

'Well, it might keep you from mucking out my horses. And I know how much you enjoy that,' Arthur smiled.

'But I mucked the horses yesterday!' Merlin protested but gave up by the look on Arthur's face. He already knew how this argument went. They both did. And Merlin never won.

* * *

The knights were standing around, Gwaine punching Elyan in the arm and laughing, whilst Percival was talking to Leon. They looked up when they saw Arthur and Merlin approach and turned around, all smiling.

'Joining us, Merlin,' Percival smiled. Merlin only snarled in reply. Merlin hated 'training' or in his case, holding a shield for his dear life, whilst he played the human target.

'Merlin volunteered,' Arthur announced and turned to smile at Merlin.

'Thanks, Merlin.' They all said walking over to pat him on the back whilst he scowled and tried to shove them off.

'Merlin, catch!' Arthur called, throwing a shield at him, which he just about caught. 'Wake up, Merlin. You're going to have to.' Arthur smirked at Merlin who smiled sarcastically.

Really, Merlin had no idea what he saw in him. Of all the people. Like life wasn't difficult as it was. Surely he had enough things to deal with, what with his destiny, Arthur of course and his work, again for Arthur. Why was everything about Arthur? This destiny thing really didn't do it by halves did it? Two halves of the same coin. Merlin shook his head. No wonder he couldn't get it off his mind. Arthur was in every aspect of his life and yet somehow, for some reason, Merlin wanted more.

'You okay, Merlin?' Gwaine asked.

'Of course he isn't,' Percival said laughing.

'There's nothing wrong with him.' Arthur stated. 'Well besides the usual. Isn't that right, Merlin?' Merlin bit his gums and nodded. He had to, otherwise he'd be shouting that everything wasn't right at all, not as long he was torturing him and not in the way he thought he was. 'Good,' Arthur said throwing his sword and catching it and lunging towards Merlin, who just about shielded himself.

Once Arthur was done the others had a go and back to Arthur, who worked Merlin hard. He lunged at him again catching Merlin of guard and knocking him to the ground. Arthur smiled but put down his weapon to help Merlin up. Merlin's insides turned over but he wasn't going to let his feelings get the better of him. He frowned and looked away.

'Oh stop sulking, Merlin' he sighed. 'If it makes you feel better, you can go. And muck my horses out.' Arthur smirked, impressed with himself. Merlin only nodded and began to walk away before Arthur grabbed his arm and turned him back around to face him. 'What's the matter, Merlin?' Arthur said, softly, almost whispering.

Merlin looked to the knights who raised their eyebrows at each other and turned away. Merlin looked back to Arthur who stood waiting for a reply. Merlin didn't know what to say. The truth was out of the question, of course. Merlin usually took things like Arthur being horrible to him in his stride but today everything stuck to him and he wasn't sure why. Sure he had feelings for Arthur but he always had, not that he always admitted it, so that wasn't it. Was it because that dream was more vivid, more real, than any of the others? He didn't know but the memory of the dream made him shudder slightly. He felt a fuzz in his nose, the fuzz he felt before tears emerged. Arthur being nice to him was making him cry. It wasn't that rare of an occasion.

'Merlin?' Arthur asked, his face now tinged with concern.

'Nothing,' Merlin said, his voice catching in his throat. He coughed and spoke again. 'I think I'm getting a cold,' he lied.

'Right,' Arthur said elongating the word. 'So could you muck out the horses before you fall ill?'

'I'll get right to it,' Merlin said and turned to walk away again.

'Merlin, I was only joking,' Arthur said running after him. 'Go and take the day off. Get plenty of rest. I can't be going long without my servant now, can I? As bad as you are of course.'

'I'm okay,' Merlin said. 'Besides the horses need mucking out.'

'Forget that. Now do as your told and go home,' Arthur said again waiting for a reply even though he gave a demand.

Merlin couldn't speak at the moment. For one, he didn't know what to say, he was always struck dumb when Arthur was nice to him. And two, he could feel the tears prickling at his eyes, threatening to fall. So he just nodded and strained a smile.

'Good.' Arthur said. 'I'll see you tomorrow. Bright and early.' Arthur smiled patting him on his back. Merlin walked over to the shield rack and set his down before rushing home, hoping to beat the tears.

* * *

Merlin walked into the physician's quarters, his eyesight blurry now, like that of a frosted window, but still he tried to hold the tears back. He could see the blur of his bedroom door, nearly there, until he could let his sorrow fall. He just wanted to let it all out.

'Merlin? How come you're back?' Gaius asked looking up from his work.

Merlin froze in his steps, the shock causing the tears to fall onto his cheeks. He wiped at them furiously, trying to hide their signs, not wanting to talk about it. He turned around to face Gaius hoping he wouldn't notice anything but from his expression he knew he already could.

'I'm not feeling well. Arthur sent me home. I'm gonna go to bed.' Merlin babbled and then rushed to his room, so quickly that he banged his hip into the table as he tried to escape, not just from Gaius but from reality. The sting was harsh but he carried on like a wounded soldier, holding his hip and only hissing slightly. When he got into his room he shut the door behind him and his knees let out. He sank to the floor slowly, sliding against the hard wooden door, until he reached the cold floor. He hugged his knees and put his chin on them bringing them closer.

He was ready to let it all out but now he was at refuge they wouldn't come. It seemed he'd held them back for too long, and like his feelings for Arthur, were bottled up. It was only a matter of time before they all burst out at once and he would rather that be now whilst he was alone. He wanted to cry, to let go. He wanted to be weak for once, he lied to everyone else, and he shouldn't have to lie to himself. He tried to force the tears but they still wouldn't come so he gave up, getting to his feet and falling into his bed. Not as soft as the pillows from his dreams but it was better than the floor.

He felt his eyes flutter, as sleep was about to take him. He tried to fight the heaviness of his eyes, with sleep came dreams and he shouldn't think about that. That wouldn't help at all. Merlin couldn't fight the sleep, he didn't really want too. He wanted Arthur to hold him and to soothe him and if that could only happen in his dreams then so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur raked his fingers through Merlin's raven black hair as he pushed him into the pillows and clambered onto his lap. Merlin brought his arms up to touch Arthur but Arthur quickly shot his hands down, grabbing at the wrists and pushing them into the soft mattress beneath them. Merlin pulled back from the desperate kiss to look at Arthur, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, which Arthur found adorable.

'Not tonight, Merlin. Tonight, it's all about you,' Arthur said, so softly he was almost whispering.

Arthur sank back into Merlin, for a fiery kiss, releasing his wrists and making Merlin struggle with the urge not to touch Arthur. The kiss was deep and loving. It was slower this time and savouring. Arthur skimmed his tongue along Merlin's teeth and then on the underside of his tongue. Still kissing, Arthur moved his hands to undo Merlin's neckerchief, removing it swiftly. He then moved his hands down Merlin's body, dragging them slowly, causing Merlin to shudder and then grabbing at the hem which he pushed up, again his hands moving slowly over Merlin, this time their skin touching, giving Merlin goose bumps.

Arthur pulled the shirt over Merlin's head, making them separate from their kiss. With the shirt removed and out the way their lips quickly met, like magnets, the force was too strong for them to be apart too long. Arthur brushed his hands along Merlin's arms, feeling the goose bumps. Arthur moved back, his face slightly concerned.

'You cold, Merlin?' He said smiling. 'I'll have to warm you up then.' Arthur buried his face into Merlin's neck, kissing, licking and nibbling, making Merlin squirm with pleasure. Arthur traced his tongue behind Merlin's ears and then gently gnawed at his earlobe. Merlin's hands sprang up instantly, one on the back of Arthur's neck and the other in the back of his hair, where he threaded his fingers through, lightly tugging. Merlin could feel Arthur laughing as he continued to kiss him, his hands peeling Merlin's away from him, making Merlin whimper.

'Arthur,' Merlin whined. 'If it's about me, then let me touch you.'

'No,' Arthur answered and continued.

'But… please,' Merlin said.

'Don't beg Merlin. It doesn't suit you. Not right now at least,' Arthur laughed in between kisses. Arthur began to move his kisses further down Merlin's body, warm and wet, dragging his tongue and teasing Merlin, as always. Merlin loved to be teased after all. Evidently, Merlin grew harder as Arthur slowly approached the hem of his pants, which he began to tug at with his teeth.

'Uh, Arthur. Plea… Arthur,' Merlin panted. The teasing was unbearable and he wanted Arthur now. He needed him.

'Don't worry, Mer-lin. I'll get there,' Arthur teased, slowly dragging his pants down. Arthur sat up to remove both Merlin's boots and pants and then crawling back up Merlin, placing kisses here and there. 'All in good time.'

'I want you _there_ now,' Merlin whined.

Arthur was kissing Merlin's thigh now. Despite it being all about Merlin, nothing turned him on more than teasing Merlin into begging for it. Merlin didn't know this but he played along well. Arthur traced his tongue along Merlin's groin. Merlin was hard and wet with pre-cum but still Arthur teased, not touching him.

'Now, Arthur. Please, I need you now,' Merlin begged.

'What's that, Merlin?' Arthur said looking up, his eyebrows furrowed. Merlin lifted his head of the pillow, his eyes pleading with Arthur. Arthur couldn't hold his laughter anymore and let his face brighten with his amusement.

'Arthurrr,' Merlin called, only this time the voice seemed distant. 'Arthur.'

Arthur opened his eyes, his head in the pillows and Merlin leaning over him. It was a dream. Again. And it was just getting good. Arthur sulked and hid his face in the pillows.

'Arthur? Are you seriously hiding?' Merlin said, the glee evident in his voice.

'Better now are we, Merlin?' Arthur asked, pulling the covers over his head.

'What? Oh yes. Much better, Sire. Now up and at 'em,' Merlin said not wanting to remember yesterday. He had to remember to separate his dreams from reality.

'Well good for you but whatever it was, you've obviously given to me,' Arthur complained.

'Really?' Merlin said as shocked as he was confused.

'Yes, really. Now go away,' Arthur moaned.

Merlin pulled the covers back revealing Arthur's face, which screwed up at the light, snatching for the covers. Merlin put his hand on Arthur's forehead, his face slightly concerned, as he checked for signs of a temperature.

'I'm sure it's okay, Merlin. I just need to rest it off, like you did,' Arthur said, flinching and hoping Merlin would remove his hand soon as it was making him feel even hotter.

'You do feel a bit hot but I'm sure you'll feel better if we get you cleaned and dressed. Some breakfast,' Merlin suggested removing his hand but still holding the covers, so that Arthur couldn't hide under them again.

Arthur thought of Merlin cleaning and dressing him and shuddered slightly. No. He couldn't have Merlin touching him. He wasn't sure how much self-control he had. He always avoided Merlin after having one of those dreams. He didn't know why he had such dreams. He was in love with Guinevere wasn't he? He'd had these dreams long before he'd married her and thought they had stopped. He just wanted them to stop, so he could stop feeling so guilty. And he also didn't want them to stop. He knew there was a part of him that wanted Merlin, a lot of him. He couldn't help it and he had tried. But you can't stop dreams. Plus they were the only time that he could feel guilt free and happy. Thinking of that made him feel guilty.

'Sire?' Merlin asked.

'Honestly, Merlin. I am the king. Surely I can have the day off,' Arthur shouted.

'Well not really,' Merlin replied.

'I… uh,' Arthur was rendered befuddled. 'Please, Merlin. Can you just deal with it today?'

'Of course,' Merlin said, his voice soft now. 'Get well soon.' Merlin gave the covers back to Arthur, their hands slightly brushing, making them both jump slightly, yet they pretended not to notice. Merlin smiled and left in a hurry. When the door closed they both let out a sigh, pausing for a second. Merlin decided to try and not think about it or at least wait until later. Arthur on the other hand slumped down in his bed and pondered over what just happened.

* * *

Arthur had fallen into a half sleep, his thoughts still on Merlin. Merlin's face, his eyes, ears, his lips. Merlin's lips always tasted so sweet. He wondered if they were so sweet in reality and then he remembered he'd probably never know. Thoughts of Merlin consumed him. He hadn't allowed himself to get lost in thoughts of Merlin the whole time he'd been king. Not that he didn't want to, but that he knew he had responsibilities. And Merlin usually dragged him out of the bed yet today he seemed a little resilient. Maybe he was still ill.

A loud, unwelcomed knock came from the door. Arthur groaned, his head still under the covers. It was his own private cocoon where he could get lost in his guilty thoughts. He didn't want to be disturbed but there was a short knock again. He didn't answer but the door clicked open anyway. He peaked out of the covers to see Gwen approach him.

Guinevere usually dragged him back to reality. Not that she knew that he was in love with his servant. His stomach clenched. He was in love with Merlin. Of course it hadn't always been obvious before but he had never thought it. He smiled slightly, his eyes slightly glazed over as he thought of Merlin. Gwen sat down on the edge of the bed, her face bright and shining, which only made Arthur feel worse.

'How are you feeling?' She asked.

'Erm, not good,' Arthur muttered. They were the only words his brain would give him. The only words besides Merlin. I and love and Merlin. Arthur blinked trying to hush his thoughts. He felt as if his thoughts were betraying Gwen. He did love her. He respected her. She was a strong, beautiful woman, who wasn't afraid to stand up for him. And she loved him. Guilt made his stomach feel heavy and uneasy but his heart still beat for Merlin.

'Has Gaius been to see you?' She said concerned.

'No,' Arthur replied. Why was he so tongue tied? Why couldn't he act himself in front of her? She was his wife after all and his queen. She would carry his children. Arthur sighed inwardly. He wouldn't feel so bad if she wasn't so sweet.

'You do seem unwell. I should fetch Gaius,' she said and began to move. Arthur grabbed her wrist and she stopped. He let go instantly and she sat down, her face questioning.

'I'm okay. Don't call Gaius,' he said trying to disguise the plead in his voice.

'Don't be silly, Arthur,' she said. 'You're not well. You need to be checked.'

'But Merlin said…' Arthur started but she was already leaving the room. Why did she always stand up to him? It was often for the better but this time he didn't want it. Merlin had known that. He was being unfair, he knew that but his and Gwen's relationship had really been built on admiration and friendship. It was built on respect. It was love that he felt for her but it wasn't the love he felt for Merlin. He was his best friend; he could be himself with Merlin. Arthur sighed. He really was in love with Merlin.

* * *

Arthur must have been dozing off, his face mostly in the pillows and the covers over his head. It was how he made himself feel safe as a child. Whenever his father had shouted at him or when he had gone to battle. It made him feel safe now. It was his own magic bubble where he could escape the responsibilities and reality of the outside world. Of course he couldn't stay there forever but it made him feel better, even now as a man, as a king.

The cold air surrounded his face and a bright light shone on him, opening his drowsy eyes. Arthur blinked in the light. He was about to make a grab for his stolen sanctuary, the blanket, but he saw that it was Gwen who held it in her hands looking slightly concerned. Gaius stood behind her, his head slightly tilted as if he were analysing him already. Would he know the only illness that plagued the king was love?

'Arthur, Gaius is here,' Gwen said and then quickly added: 'To check you over.'

Arthur didn't reply. He attempted to sit up but found he didn't really have the energy or the motivation to make the effort. Why was love so insistent on making its recipient so miserable? Wasn't love supposed to be something magical? No wonder his father disliked magic so much. His eyes had begin to glaze over as he once again got lost in thought, until Gaius gently coughed, bringing him out of his daze.

'Gwen tells me your not feeling well, Sire,' Gaius began as he reached his palm out to feel Arthur's forehead.

'Merlin, said I just need to rest,' Arthur said feeling defeated. 'I think I caught his bug...'

'I thought I'd get the blame,' said Merlin walking in, a small smile on the corner of his lips. His eyes were bright, almost sparkling. They were more precious than any of the jewels in the vaults. Merlin stood at the foot of the bed, his smile slightly dropping when he saw Arthur close up. 'God, you look terrible.'

'Thank you, Merlin. Your words of wisdom never fail to help, as usual,' Arthur said pouting slightly but his tone was happier than it was earlier.

'Happy to help, Sire,' Merlin said, a big smile stretching out on his face which brightened the whole room. It was like staring at the sun, only Arthur didn't want to turn away.

'There don't seem to be any worrying signs,' Gaius said looking at Arthur and then to Merlin. 'Merlin's probably right...'

'Well he has to be sometimes,' Arthur smirked.

'I thought you said I was wise,' Merlin said his mouth slightly ajar and his eyes meeting with Arthur's. Arthur only smiled. He felt like it was just him and Merlin, the only two in the world but it wasn't. Gaius was here... and Gwen. Arthur blinked, breaking his eye contact with Merlin. Merlin looked down at his feet, his heart sinking slightly at the way Arthur tore his eyes away from him.

'Yes, you're probably just exhausted,' Gaius said cutting the silence. 'You seem to be on the up though. Back to business in the morning.'

'Thank you, Gaius,' Gwen said, a relieved smile on her face.

'Not at all,' Gaius said. He nodded at them, smiling and left Arthur's quarters. Gwen looked to Merlin trying to make eye contact. Arthur just watched her efforts, knowing she was probably hinting for Merlin to leave. Merlin probably should leave but he didn't want him to. Arthur found it difficult to deal with his feelings when Merlin was there but it was insufferable when he wasn't.

Merlin looked up, sighing slightly. It was inaudible but Arthur could tell by the way he relaxed his shoulders and the way his breathing hitched. He knew Merlin better than anyone and Merlin knew him. They were so close, yet they felt so far.

'Merlin,' Gwen called.

'Huh?' Merlin replied, startled at the break in silence.

'Could you?' Gwen hesitated, not wanting to tell Merlin to outright leave.

'Oh, yeah. Sorry,' Merlin stumbled. This was how it was now. He was in their way. They were a couple and Merlin was happy because they were happy. Except in all honesty he was rather miserable. He looked to Arthur who was already looking at him.

Arthur didn't want Merlin to leave. He didn't want to be left alone with Gwen again. She would be sympathetic and sweet and that would leave him feeling guilty again. Merlin was different. He was sarcastic and actually quite funny, once you got his sense of humour. Not that he'd tell Merlin that. He'd rather confess his love first than admit to liking his jokes, if you could call them that. He caught Merlin's gaze, making him feel closed off again but he was determined to not get lost in it. Again.

'I'll see you in the morning, Merlin,' said Arthur trying to smile as he dismissed him. Merlin smiled and nodded. He looked like he was about to say something, his lips open but he just licked his lips, his tongue making them moist and pink causing Arthur to almost drool. Merlin caught Arthur's gaze again and turned away quickly, leaving the room.

Gwen sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand over Arthur's. It was a gentle gesture, sweet and loving but he didn't feel the sparks he got when his skin came in contact with Merlin's. Arthur smiled at her and then looked down. They sat in silence for a moment until Gwen cleared her throat gaining Arthur's attention.

'Perhaps I should get some rest. I need to be better for tomorrow,' Arthur said before Gwen could speak.

'Of course,' Gwen smiled, standing. She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. 'Goodnight, Arthur.'

'Goodnight, Guinevere,' Arthur replied. He wouldn't feel better in the morning. He would never be cured and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Yes, the love he felt made him feel miserable and occupied his mind but he would rather have it because without it, without Merlin, he wouldn't be himself. He would feel empty and useless. Maybe tomorrow he would be able to cope better. He didn't really have a choice. He couldn't have Merlin. Maybe Merlin didn't even want him anyway. He'd just have to cope. That's all life would be if Merlin was never his; coping. Surviving, not living.


	3. Chapter 3

Images of Arthur swarmed Merlin's mind. Merlin thought of Arthur first thing in the morning, when his eyes would squint at the sun and how his forehead would crease when he moaned at Merlin for waking him up. Merlin thought of Arthur's triumphant smile when he had won Merlin in an argument. Merlin thought of Arthur when he struts around his chambers shirtless and often playing with his sword because it 'helped him think.'

Merlin tried to not think of Arthur but he had already succumbed to touching himself whilst washing. If he was going to pleasure himself he would have to do it properly. Besides Merlin had found himself only being able to cum when he thought of Arthur. Sometimes he just had to picture Arthur in his head which was not difficult to do. Not just because he saw him nearly every waking hour of every day but because he had studied every inch of him. Being Arthur's manservant had its benefits even if they doubled as curses. Other times he would think back to dreams or imagine new moments between them.

His favourite at the moment was Arthur's beautiful, almost red lips kissing every inch of him whilst he pumped faster and faster the closer Arthur got to his crotch. In this current fantasy Arthur was working his mouth around Merlin's chest, his tongue dragging here and there making Merlin shudder slightly with the waves of pleasure that spread up his spine.

Merlin's pumping grew more enthusiastic as Arthur circled his nipple with his tongue. His other hand held onto the water bucket in order to steady himself as the closer he came to the moment of euphoria the weaker his body felt. Arthur began to gently nibble at his nipple making Merlin groan and thrust his hips. Merlin shuddered as he came and rolled his head back, his eyelashes fluttering and his eyes glowing golden. Merlin had meant to catch most of the cum but had though it better to hold onto the bucket otherwise his knees may have buckled under him.

With another flash of golden eyes the cum was gone and Merlin was left feeling as satisfied as was possible. That was because it wasn't possible that Arthur would ever have any sort of feelings love or lust towards him therefore his vivid imagination and dreams would have to suffice. Merlin dipped his hands in the water, cupping it and bringing it to his face, more to cool himself down than to clean. Picking up the towel that lay next the bucket, he dried his face, as ready as he could be for a new day, facing Arthur.

The knock at Merlin's bedroom door was muffled by the towel and Merlin's lack of concentration. Usually, he would be on high alert but he knew Gaius had left early to visit some patients. There seemed to have been a new bug going around lately. Merlin felt a gentle breeze on his naked backside and turned, alarmed. At the door stood Arthur, rather bemused. For a moment, Merlin stood there completely in shock, wondering if this was a dream. He knew exactly what he would do if this was a dream but it wasn't.

Realising this was all very much real; Merlin quickly moved the towel from his face to cover himself. Not that it was easy, considering how small the towel was. Merlin felt is face burning and could almost picture the redness growing and spreading to his ears. Arthur didn't say anything but stood there frowning at first but then smirking at Merlin's embarrassment.

'Arthur! What are you doing?' Merlin asked, breaking the silence. Merlin already felt awkward as it was without the uncomfortable silence. Merlin had seen Arthur naked many times in reality and in his dreams but Arthur had never seen Merlin naked. Well he had in his dreams. What if he didn't like what he saw? Merlin felt stupid for even thinking that. Arthur didn't care what Merlin looked like.

'I could ask you the same thing? I didn't know you washed, Merlin,' Arthur teased, forever putting a front on. He loved teasing Merlin. It was probably one of the highlights of his day and felt a day was wasted if he hadn't teased Merlin. However, he felt a rush of overwhelming feelings, bubble to the service, lust and love. Arthur just hoped he wasn't as red as Merlin.

'I'm not washing,' Merlin said and then felt stupid and if possible even more embarrassed. 'I was washing but now I'm drying,' he stumbled.

'Oh, right. Nothing to be embarrassed about, Mer-lin. It's perfectly natural,' Arthur said although he was sure he felt more embarrassed.

'Could you just...' Merlin started gesturing towards the door.

'Of course,' Arthur said nodding. 'Let you dress or whatever...' Arthur said not moving.

'Arthur! Get out,' Merlin shouted. Arthur left the room quickly, as if jumping to Merlin's orders. Merlin found it odd but didn't want to ponder over it right now. He felt so red he thought he would explode from all the blood that had rushed to his face. He quickly pulled on his clothes and took deep breaths to calm himself down.

Arthur slumped against the wall outside Merlin's bedroom, running one hand through his hair and the other feeling his face to see whether he was blushing or not. He tried to not think of Merlin naked but how the hell was he supposed to think of anything else? How could anything else compare? He struggled to not think of Merlin naked on a daily basis but he had never seen him naked before. Well, not really.

'You can come in now,' Merlin called as he searched for his neckerchief.

Arthur pushed the door open cautiously to find Merlin on his knees, ass in the air, as he searched for something under the bed. Arthur held on to the door frame as he felt his willpower failing him. He wanted to take Merlin so badly. It was like Merlin was deliberately teasing him. Or maybe the world was just against him and it was his own fault because he shouldn't have these feelings anyway.

'You seem preoccupied, Merlin,' Arthur said, his eyes fixed on Merlin's ass.

'That doesn't usually bother you,' Merlin replied and carried on rooting around. He'd actually already found his neckerchief but just didn't want to have to look Arthur in the face just yet. He was sure he would blush instantly. Was he cursed?

'Right, well...' Arthur stumbled. 'I need you to pack, we're going to be away for a few days and we need to leave as soon as... Merlin, can you get up?' Arthur demanded even though it was phrased as a question. He found Merlin on his knees too distracting, especially when had to form a sentence. 'If you like spending so much time on your knees, you can scrub the floors of my chamber when we get back,' Arthur added. A punishment for Merlin and a chance for Arthur to look at his ass. Great plan.

Merlin got out from under the bed, holding his neckerchief and still on his knees. He looked like he was about to protest but as usual when it came to arguments with Arthur, he didn't bother. It was easier not to. Merlin used his free hand to hold onto his bed as he pulled himself up to his feet. Arthur leaned against the door frame now, wanting to appear more casual, besides his knuckles had begun to turn with white. Merlin fumbled with his neckerchief, still not looking at Arthur.

'Merlin?' Arthur said his voice soft. He did enjoy bossing Merlin about but he couldn't always find the strength to shout or even sound stern. How could he when the sight of Merlin made his heart melt? He loved Merlin more than life itself, even more than Camelot. He put his love for Camelot and his people above anything and anyone but not Merlin. He couldn't.

'Sire?' Merlin asked his eyebrows raised in mock innocence.

'Have you been listening to me at all?' Arthur said, struggling not to sound pathetic.

'Of course I have,' Merlin lied. How was he supposed to be able to concentrate after the incident that had just occurred? He wanted to crawl under the bed and never get back out. And Arthur wasn't helping by insisting he stand up. Merlin studied Arthur's face and couldn't work out whether he was annoyed, upset or both, which made Merlin feel guilty. He really shouldn't have switched off but maybe Arthur shouldn't barge into his room in the morning. Merlin sighed as his thoughts began to get carried away again.

'Right,' Arthur said elongating the word, making it somehow sound seductive to Merlin. 'Well, after packing, you can bring the horses around to the courtyard.'

'Packing? What for?' Merlin said his voice slightly higher pitched more than usual.

'Listening was you?' Arthur said, not waiting for Merlin to reply. 'We're going away for a few days...'

'We?' Merlin interrupted, his thoughts, more like his fantasies and over wishful thinking, getting ahead of himself.

'Yes. Me, you and some of the knights...' Arthur started.

'But why?' Merlin said almost whining.

'Well if you stopped interrupting me, I would tell you,' Arthur moaned. 'Honestly, Merlin. Stop being such a girl's petticoat all your life. You forget that I am your King,' Arthur added. Arthur hated reminding Merlin of that boundary between them, although he was reminding himself more. He had to keep some sort of distance otherwise he wouldn't be able to stop himself. Also, he liked to say it in order to tease Merlin more than anything else.

'How could I possibly forget, Sire?' Merlin said folding his arms and looking Arthur in the eye for the first time since he had re-entered the room. The frosty pools of blue meeting the warm, dark ones. Merlin could feel himself begin to blush and instantly tried to distract himself but he couldn't look away now. Arthur's face just drew him in. It was hypnotic and beautiful, like the sun. So warm and beautiful that you couldn't help but take a look even though you know it is a danger to you.

Arthur smiled at Merlin's sarcasm and didn't try to hide it. This is part of what made them such good friends, even though they denied their friendship, even if it was jokingly. Merlin returned the smile, his face lighting up. Arthur's insides churned as Merlin smiled, his whole face lighting up. Why did he have to be so adorable?

'Gaius has reported to me about a new disease that seems to be getting worse,' Arthur said, interrupting the moment. Not that it was a moment. They were just smiling at each other. People smile at each other all the time. It doesn't mean anything. 'He was actually surprised that you never told me about it.'

'Oh,' Merlin said, his voice hushed. He broke their eye contact looking down at his bare feet.

'Why didn't you tell me, Merlin?' Arthur asked. If there was any moment, it was definitely over but only to be replaced by another. Arthur tried to catch Merlin's eyesight again, missing their warmth and so he could try and read what Merlin was thinking.

'You were worried about other things,' Merlin shrugged, looking around to find his boots, not wanting to make eye contact.

'I still needed to know. I have the right to know...' Arthur said.

'I know. I was going to tell you but then you were ill and I...' Merlin stumbled, stopping in his steps, one boot in hand, in order to have momentary eye contact before looking away again.

'I don't think I had that illness, Merlin,' Arthur said, his voice soft and caring. Was Merlin worried? Arthur had to squeeze his thumbs in order to stop himself from taking Merlin into his arms and cuddling him. He just wanted to be able to show him that he loved him and cared for him. He wanted to be able to protect him and hug him until he felt better. He couldn't do any of those things so he squeezed his thumbs and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. 'You didn't have to worry?'

'I know that now,' Merlin sighed. Merlin shuddered at how utterly gushy he sounded. 'What makes you think I was worried anyway?'

'Why wouldn't you be worried about your king,' Arthur said, eyebrows raised and thankful that Merlin had interjected some humorous banter.

'Maybe I don't see you as my king,' Merlin said, sitting on his bed to put on his boots.

'Is that right?' Arthur said. 'What do you see me as then?' Arthur's insides felt giddy as he kidded himself that they were flirting. He ignored this, the best he could so that he wouldn't have to feel guilty and stop.

'Oh I don't know. A cabbage head, maybe,' Merlin said, pulling one boot on as he looked up at Arthur who was watching him.

'Try again,' Arthur said after shaking his head and folding his arms.

'Clot pole?' Merlin said, pulling on the other boot but not looking up. He could feel Arthur's eyes on him and he couldn't meet them and resist the urge to drag him onto the bed.

'Really? That's far to overused, Merlin,' Arthur sighed, glad Merlin wasn't looking at him as he could contain the smile that had taken over his face.

'Well then maybe you should stop using it then,' said Merlin looking up, Arthur's smile reflected on Merlin's face.

'Try again,' Arthur demanded.

'Waffle Brothel,' Merlin said almost victoriously, standing up and stepping towards Arthur.

'What?' Arthur smiled, trying to hold in his laughter.

'You heard me, Sire,' Merlin teased. 'I said waffle brothel.' Merlin looked very pleased with himself which is what broke Arthur. A loud laugh escaped from his mouth and once he started he struggled to stop. 'Is that better, Sire?'

'Seriously, Merlin? They get worse and worse,' Arthur said in between bursts of laughter.

'Sure they do,' Merlin said pretending to be offended despite the satisfied grin on his face. Arthur managed to stop laughing but couldn't erase the smile that seemed to have taken permanent vacancy, whilst in Merlin's presence anyway.

'Anyway, you need to pack enough for a few days. We need to collect rare herbs for medicine,' Arthur said, just remembering why he had come to see Merlin.

'Is it really necessary for all of us to go?' Merlin complained.

'The herbs only grow in Cenred's kingdom...' Arthur started.

'Wouldn't be best to try and be unnoticed then?' Merlin asked.

'Yes but we're not sure where they're exactly growing so we will need to separate,' Arthur said, lifting a finger to stop Merlin interrupting again. 'If we are seen then we will need to be able to protect ourselves. And yes you have to come. You should be honoured, Merlin.'

'Oh, yes. Really honoured,' Merlin said rolling his eyes.

'Besides, Gaius said you know what the herb looks like,' Arthur added, catching Merlin's eyesight and gulping slightly.

'You could look at the picture in the book like I did,' Merlin protested.

'We have but it's really similar to some other herb or something,' Arthur stumbled showing his obvious confusion.

'Fine,' Merlin said.

'I wasn't asking you anyway, Merlin.' Arthur said to which Merlin raised his eyebrows, confused. 'I was telling you,' Arthur smiled, proud of himself and then patting Merlin's head. Merlin tried to duck but Arthur was already leaving. 'And don't dilly dally, Mer-lin.'

Merlin turned to watch Arthur walk away; sighing once he was out of view. Merlin felt his head where Arthur had touched and sighed again. Merlin hated quests. Not just because it usually involved the knights teasing him, he didn't actually mind that. Not just because it involved sleeping under the stars, which he couldn't really complain about either. Well, maybe the hard floor. That wasn't why he hated quests though. He hated quests because that meant spending more time with Arthur than usual. He loved spending time with Arthur, he loved Arthur but sometimes it was torturous.

He would sleep next to Arthur often but he couldn't cuddle up to him like he longed to. He was able to stare at Arthur while he slept, cautiously of course but he couldn't touch Arthur. Merlin felt there was only so much he could take before he snapped and declared his love for Arthur. It was either that secret that he revealed or his magic. Merlin wasn't sure which one would be worse. Sighing again, Merlin tried to hush his thoughts as he began to pack his own things. It wouldn't help to do the whole pre-quest worries. Again.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, it took me a while to upload. It's been my last few weeks of sixth form which means lots of coursework and A Level exams. I'm finished now so you should have regular updates. I've decided to post every Saturday, as that's the day Merlin is shown on. If I don't post it on the Saturday then you will get it in the week and I will try to give you an extra chapter to make up for the wait. That's the plan anyway. **


	4. Chapter 4

'What took you so long, Merlin?' Gwaine asked the teasing evident in his tone. The other knights laughed as Merlin struggled under the luggage. Merlin replied by pulling a face, causing the knights to laugh more.

'Maybe you should train more, Merlin,' offered Percival. Merlin was unsure as to whether he was joking or not so thought it was best to ignore them and continued to struggle, carrying the luggage down the stairs to the courtyard.

'Might impress the girls, you know,' Gwaine mocked.

'Maybe you should try it then, Gwaine,' Merlin retorted, putting the luggage down on the stairs and rubbing the bottom of his back. The knights laughed and Merlin couldn't resist smiling. Merlin bent down and picked the luggage up again when it was taken swiftly out of his hands. Merlin turned to see Arthur holding the luggage, his forehead creased with a frown.

'We would like to leave before the sun went down, Merlin,' Arthur sighed. Merlin could sense that he was feeling stressed so he just nodded and decided to save his remarks for later. He tried to retrieve the luggage from Arthur who ignored Merlin and carried it down the stairs, leaving it on the floor for Merlin. Merlin wasn't the only one who appeared confused at this as the knights watched with raised eyebrows, some smirking.

Merlin snapped into action after forcibly shaking off the shock of Arthur's kindness. Had Arthur seriously just helped him? That was an act of kindness and he didn't even give a sarcastic remark. Merlin wasn't sure if he liked this glimpse at Arthur. It confused him. Arthur wasn't horrible to him despite Merlin's never ending joke of how Arthur is a pompous prat who treats his servants bad. He was never obviously kind either. In his way he was but not like this and it threw Merlin off.

'Hurry up, Merlin,' Arthur moaned rolling his eyes. 'Do you need me to get one of the maids to help you?' Arthur said smirking. The knights laughed and Merlin smiled. The tension had been broken and everyone went back to normal but Merlin noted to himself to think over it again later. Meanwhile he fumbled with straps as he distributed luggage onto each knights' horse, stroking them slightly.

'Sorry, Sire,' said Merlin. 'You do require a lot of food though. Will I need to put another whole in your belt?' Merlin tilted his head to look up at Arthur who sat on his horse. All the knights burst out laughing, Gwaine so much that he nearly fell of his horse, which made the other knights laugh harder. Arthur turned to look at them and they stopped. Well they tried to.

'I'd make you court jester, if you weren't so useless, Merlin,' Arthur said. Arthur then leaned down, his face very much in Merlin's personal space. The other knights looked away, some serious and Gwaine still smirking. 'If you bring up my weight one more time, Merlin, I will make you take lessons from George again.'

'Understood, Sire,' Merlin said, mock pouting.

'Good,' Arthur said, clapping the back of Merlin's head as he straightened up. 'Now get on your horse so we can leave already.'

Merlin frowned, rubbing the back of his head and walking over to his head. This was going to be a long few days.

* * *

The sky turned darker as the sun went down fighting behind the mountains, tingeing the sky shades of oranges and red. The last rays of sunshine just touched the top of Arthur's hair transforming the blonde to golden which Merlin found very distracting. He just wanted to reach out and stroke it but the hair lay their golden and untouched and Merlin gripped the reigns tighter. With Arthur's hair shining and his profile being outlined by light showing off how perfect his jaw line was more than usual, Merlin's horse began to go a little off track.

'Merlin,' Arthur snapped, glaring into Merlin's dreamy eyes. 'Can you not even guide ride in a straight line?'

'I, err,' Merlin stumbled as Arthur waited for an answer stopping his horse. 'We've been riding all day, of course I'm going to get tired, you prat,' Merlin said, stopping his horse. The knights had stopped behind them and their nattering had died down to a dead silence.

'Fine, you big girl,' Arthur said rolling his eyes. 'We'll stop for the night. There seems to be a clearing just ahead.' Arthur jumped down from his horse and began walking it over to a tree where he loosely tied it. Enough for the horse to be able to lie down but not enough for it to get loose. Arthur patted the horse and turned back to where Merlin was still sitting on the horse. He'd done it again. 'Well come on then, Merlin. You'll need to collect firewood before it gets dark.'

Merlin got down from his horse and tied it by the others. The knights had already rushed into the clearing to sit down whilst Merlin dragged his feet thinking over not just one but two random acts of kindness that Arthur had shown him today. Was this because of the incident in the morning? Why was Arthur acting so strange?

'Merlin?' said Arthur who had turned around to watch him.

Merlin jumped, thinking Arthur had joined the knights in the clearing. Why was he waiting for him? Merlin looked up to see Arthur smirking at having scared Merlin but still he stood there, waiting.

Merlin cleared his throat, 'Arthur?'

'You forgot the luggage,' Arthur said. Arthur tried to steady his breaths as he looked at Merlin in the darkness, the last light of day shining through the trees and illuminating his beauty. He almost had a moment of weakness when he stopped to watch Merlin walk after them dreamily. He was always somewhere else. Arthur hoped that it was a beautiful place, somewhere that Merlin deserved. When he had called Merlin, he had wanted to follow it up with three simple words. Simple words, yet the hardest to say. He hadn't really thought about it. Just his feelings and this particular view of Merlin made him overwhelmed.

'What about the fire wood?' Merlin said, his face portrayed his annoyance but it also displayed his other feelings. The feelings that would never allow him to be truly annoyed at Arthur.

'True. Fire wood first then luggage,' Arthur said turning to walk away. 'Oh and Merlin hurry up. I'm hungry.'

'When aren't you hungry, Sire?' Merlin said under his breath.

'You say something, Merlin?' Arthur said, his eyebrows raised and his smirk ridiculously smug.

'No, nothing,' Merlin said walking away, fighting the urge to look back at Arthur. Merlin mumbled as he collected the firewood. Why did Arthur have to be nice now? He could handle the endless teasing and insults but not this unexpected kindness. He didn't know why either. He had always complained that Arthur wasn't nice enough to him and now he was or sort of anyway, Merlin still complained.

Perhaps he was other thinking it all. Maybe Arthur was just tired too or hadn't realised he was pushing everyone. Merlin decided to put that down to strange timing and the fact he was tired but what about the luggage. Usually, Arthur would rather watch Merlin struggle whilst insulting him. Had he just become prone to insults?

Maybe Arthur was right. He was acting like a girl. Did he really just think that Arthur was right? He really must be tired. Not even girls where that gushy. Surely no one was as pathetic. Merlin picked up a stick which he decided was to wet so he through it, hoping to relieve some of his frustration.

'Woah, watch it there, Merlin,' Gwaine said coming through the trees; the direction in which Merlin had thrown the stick. 'I thought you might need some help.' Gwaine stepped next to Merlin trying to look at his face.

Merlin stood up and dropped all the wood he was holding into Gwaine's arms, who looked slightly surprised but didn't say anything. Merlin didn't say anything either but continued to search for wood. Merlin sighed every time he bent down to pick up more wood which he loaded onto the pile that Gwaine was holding. Gwaine cocked his head, raising an eyebrow at Merlin.

'What?' Merlin said. Gwaine didn't reply, just continued in raising his eyebrow at Merlin. 'What?' Merlin repeated.

'You okay, Merlin?' Gwaine said. 'Arthur getting you down or are you having troubles with your lady friend?'

'Lady friend?' Merlin asked shocked. 'I don't have a lady friend. And Arthur is just, well Arthur.'

'Sure you have a lady friend, Merlin. We talked about this, remember?' Gwaine said, shifting under the increasing pile of wood.

'No. You assumed. I never said anything of the sort,' Merlin said picking up more wood and tucking it under his arm, making sure not to look at Gwaine.

'Oh, I get it,' Gwaine said smiling and nodding.

'Get what?' Merlin said, stopping and looking up. How could Gwaine have figured him out so quickly?

'You haven't asked her out yet?' Gwaine said.

'Oh honestly,' Merlin sighed and began to walk back to the clearing where Arthur and the knights sprawled about, all except Percival who walked through the trees with the luggage in his arms which he set down and then sat down himself. 'You got the luggage?' Merlin asked, surprised.

'One does as his king says,' Percival answered smiling.

Merlin looked to Arthur who met his eyes a moment before tearing them away, before Merlin could say anything. So Merlin didn't say anything. He walked to the middle of the clearing and dropped the wood he had. Gwaine dropped the pile of wood he had and kneeled next to Merlin who had begun to rearrange the wood in order to get the fire started.

'Can't you talk to the ladies? Is that it?' Gwaine asked.

'There isn't a lady but I'm sure if I did want to talk to one, I wouldn't ask for advice from you,' Merlin said, half smiling despite his annoyance.

'What are we talking about?' Percival called over.

'Trying to be nice and give Merlin advice to help him out with the ladies,' Gwaine called back. Merlin knew he did that purposely. You try and get Gwaine to drop something and he escalates it.

'Still after that girl then, Merlin?' Percival said.

Everyone had gone quiet now, waiting for Merlin's reply. He couldn't ignore them now. Merlin turned around to see that they were all looking at him, even Arthur. Especially Arthur. Their eyes met and Merlin felt a shiver spread up his spine. Now what was he supposed to do?

'I'm not after any girl,' Merlin said managing to break his eye contact with Arthur and looking at everyone else who were smiling.

'Oh sure you're not,' Gwaine said laughing.

'Why are you blushing then, Merlin?' Elyan asked. Merlin didn't know if he was blushing but he was now. He could feel his face grow hotter and he couldn't help but let his eyes drift over to Arthur who was the only one surprisingly not joining in. He wasn't even smiling. Merlin turned back to the wood to start the fire.

The knights didn't pester Merlin anymore about it but left him to cook the supper. Merlin didn't speak to anyone all through supper. He sat in silence wishing he was anywhere but here. For years he had had feelings for Arthur. Probably always. No one had ever suspected he had had feelings for Arthur and they had never suspected he had feelings for anyone. Merlin sighed. Maybe there are only so many secrets one person could keep.

* * *

Merlin lay on his back and had given up the idea of getting any sleep as he had watched the flames die down from their mighty raw to the whispers of light they were now. How was he supposed to sleep anyway? Between Gwaine's snoring and his thoughts he didn't know which was louder and he was pretty sure Gwaine sounded like an ill bear.

In the otherwise silence of the night, Merlin heard a twig snapping and shot up. He looked around to see who or what was approaching them but he saw no one or nothing. Merlin considered using his magic but just as he held his hand out, he saw Arthur a few feet in front of him. He hadn't noticed him leaving. Merlin let his arm drop as Arthur dropped to the floor next to him.

'Still awake, Merlin?' Arthur asked lying down on his back as Merlin did the same.

'No, Sire. I'm getting a much needed rest,' Merlin replied.

'You're just not funny, Merlin,' Arthur said. 'What's on your mind, then?'

'What?' Merlin said. Was Arthur really asking him what he was thinking?

'Your mind, Merlin. Surely, even you have one,' Arthur retorted.

'Just surprised you know what a mind is, Sire,' Merlin smirked.

'Just tell me about this girl, will you Merlin?' Arthur said, his tone almost demanding.

'There is no girl,' Merlin said and rolling over so his back was facing Arthur. Merlin was seriously considering giving Gwaine warts or making his hair fall out. It would probably be more useful to make him lose his voice. That would do everyone the world of good.

'You did blush earlier though,' Arthur said. 'Are you blushing now?' Merlin thought Arthur's voice was getting louder but realised Arthur was leaning over him. Merlin panicked and pushed him which rather backfired and resulted in Arthur collapsing on him. They both froze for a moment, not moving and just feeling the warmth and weight of the other person.

Arthur shifted and rolled off Merlin, clearing his throat slightly. They both lay on their backs still not saying anything. Their arms where touching as they were lying very close to each other. Closer than usual but neither of them tried to change this.

'Sorry, Merlin,' Arthur said causing Merlin to choke before Arthur could continue. Merlin began to cough and found himself not being able to stop. Arthur sat up awkwardly and began to pat Merlin's chest. Merlin sat up and Arthur didn't know what to do, so he watched feeling helpless. Merlin cleared his throat and managed to stop coughing.

'Are you trying to kill me?' Merlin asked turning to face Arthur. The fire had completely died out now so he couldn't see him apart from a rough outline.

'I didn't know what to do,' Arthur protested.

'I didn't mean about the coughing,' Merlin said. 'And you're not supposed to pat someone's chest. You pat their back.'

'Well you were lying down and... What did you mean then?' Arthur asked hushing his voice slightly.

'You keep being nice to me,' Merlin said. Why did he say that? That sounded far too soppy? Merlin sighed. Great. Arthur didn't already think him weird enough.

'There's no pleasing you, Merlin,' Arthur moaned.

'Pleasing me?' Merlin said, so shocked that his mouth was literally ajar. 'Try being me and having to please you.'

'I am pleased,' Arthur said.

'What?' Merlin replied.

'Oh shut up Merlin,' Arthur said, lying down.

'And the balance of the world is restored,' Merlin mumbled.

'Merlin?' Arthur said.

'Shut up?' Asked Merlin also lying down, slightly facing Arthur.

'Exactly,' Arthur said. 'Try and get some sleep. Don't want you falling asleep on the horse.'

Merlin didn't reply but lied straight on his back. There he was being nice again. It had been a really weird day. Merlin decided it was due to the morning incident. Hopefully tomorrow, Arthur would be back to his usual self. Teasing and insulting. Merlin could handle that.

* * *

**A/N: Whilst I made an updating promise in the last chapter, I think that needs to be updated. I will post a new chapter every Saturday (Saturday is Merlin day) and if that gets a fair amount of reviews then you will get another chapter on Wednesday. Is that fair? **

**Please review though. Reviews are my food and muse. **


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur felt warm and peaceful as he lay amongst the many cushions of his bed and most importantly with Merlin in his arms. The sunlight of a new day shone through the creak in the curtains, creating a line of light in between them. Maybe it was a sign they shouldn't be together or maybe it was a sign that God or whatever forces of the universe out there approved of their bond, there coming together. Arthur preferred the latter.

Merlin murmured gently as Arthur stroked the side of his face, furthest away from him and lay sweet kisses on the side closest to him. The sunlight coming through the window allowed Arthur to see Merlin's face bright and happy. Although even in the darkness he could feel Merlin's smiles. He knew Merlin was happy from his very presence. And when Arthur touched Merlin's smooth skin, the happiness flowed into him; warming his whole body and making him shiver at the same time.

They just lay there, together. Not saying anything and there touching minimal, the knowledge of the other being there enough. More than enough. The feeling was better than anything. The feeling of being together; just being able to be together. The bed was their world, their bubble and all they needed was each other.

Arthur blinked, feeling drowsy and his eyes beginning to blur. His drowsiness wasn't due to sleepiness however but it was a familiar feeling. He was still lying with Merlin but the light no longer shone through. The background and the detail of the room began to blur and disappear and Arthur remembered all too well what was happening. He felt cold, he realised he was waking up.

Nothing was left of the room but the bed, him and Merlin. Arthur clutched Merlin to his chest and Merlin giggled, only it sounded jaded and faraway. Arthur felt his eyes droop as he heard laughter and voices. He recognised the voices as the knights but right now he felt they were demons pulling him from his heaven through the earth's crust and to the horrors of hell. A place where he couldn't be with Merlin, a place he could only watch from afar with guilty longing.

Opening his eyes, Arthur saw Elyan standing over him nudging him to wake up. Arthur felt a fiery bubbling urge of anger under his skin and wanted to lash out at Elyan. Arthur sat up putting his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes. He was rubbing away not just sleep but a tear. His heart sank in his chest and felt cold. Once again he had to wake up and pretend everything was okay. Once again he was tore from Merlin's side.

Arthur sluggishly got to his feet and walked to the trees in order to pee. He didn't speak to any of the knights just yet, pretending to be in a state between dreams and reality. It was a hellish place. Merlin filled up all five of his senses and he still felt that lingering happiness but now he knew it wasn't real and never could be. Arthur felt hurt and guilty for blaming Elyan. It wasn't his fault. It was his own.

Arthur rubbed his eyes again as he walked into the clearing and smiled, clouding his feelings and thoughts with the blunt reality. It was a new day and he had responsibilities to his people. He tried to think of the plan for the day and think of the progress they could make when he spotted Merlin lying on the floor, his head resting on one outstretched arm whilst the other was cuddled to his chest. What Arthur noticed, and loved, the most was the peaceful look of Merin's face. It was soft and untroubled and it almost pained Arthur to disturb that but it was a new day. Arthur sighed and walked to Merlin's side. Another new day.

* * *

Merlin smoothed his fingers through the warm, golden sand with one hand whilst his other held Arthur's, their fingers entwined. The beach was silent apart from the lulling waves, the tide slow and calm and lapping at their toes. The beach was silent apart from the seagulls flying in the distance. The beach was silent apart from the gentle breeze that often whistled into a shell. Maybe the beach wasn't silent but it was quiet and Merlin's thoughts were calm.

Merlin felt at ease as he leaned against Arthur in the soft, welcoming sand. His thoughts weren't loud and overpowering. He wasn't worried about secrets, responsibilities and destinies here. He could just be. He could relax. He was with Arthur and well that was the answer to all his problems and the source but here he didn't have to deal with that.

Sleepily, Merlin rested his head on Arthur's shoulder and Arthur let go off his hand. Merlin's hand felt cold and empty but that was quickly resolved when Arthur grabbed hold of it again with his other hand, whilst he put his arm around Merlin, cuddling him in. Merlin snuggled into Arthur, Arthur's natural scent mixed with the sea filled his nose and Merlin's eye began to flutter.

Suddenly, Merlin felt a familiar coldness, an unwelcome shiver up his spine as his surroundings blurred and his senses dulled. Merlin clung to Arthur desperately, recognising the all too dreadful feeling to mean that he was waking up and this was just a dream. Dream or not, Merlin wasn't ready to let it go.

'Arthur,' Merlin called.

'Merlin,' Arthur replied, only the voice seemed faraway. It wasn't the voice of the Arthur beside him. Merlin knew it was too late and he couldn't stop it but that didn't stop him holding onto Arthur as if his life depended upon it. His surroundings darkened and a cold took over his body but he could still see Arthur so he held on.

'I love you,' Merlin said desperately, giving up. He closed his eyes and felt his face be nudged with something cold. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes to see Arthur's foot leaning over to nudge him again. Merlin rolled over, dodging the foot and causing Arthur to trip. The knights giggled and Arthur whipped Merlin with a sock that he held in his hand.

'Get up, Merlin,' Arthur said, sniggering at what he felt was a victory. Arthur sat down to put his sock on, unable to look at Merlin anymore yet couldn't help but watch as Merlin got up groaning and stumbling to the trees. Arthur sighed as Merlin went out of sight and caught sight of Leon who had a raised eyebrow, which Arthur pretended to ignore.

In the midst of the trees, Merlin leaned against a tree after finishing peeing and sighed. Sometimes he was thankful for the dreams because they allowed him to escape. They also allowed him to have an insight as to what it would be like for his hearts desires to become a reality. Whilst they were a blessing they often made things worse, they were a curse. His hearts desires couldn't and wouldn't be a reality. They'd always be dreams. A curse they were but they were all he had.

This was the reason why Merlin hated going on quests. He was almost certain that being so close to Arthur heightened his dreams. He could still smell Arthur's natural scent mixed with the smell of the sea. He could still feel Arthur's warmth on his hand and at his side. He could still see the water wash over their feet. Worst of all, was that he could still feel how happy and carefree he felt at Arthur's side. Merlin knew he would always be at Arthur's side but never the way he wanted. This was something he had to accept, something he kidded himself he had accepted.

* * *

**A/N: Happy Bonus Wednesday Chapter! I know it's shorter than usual but I think it works. Thanks for all the reviews so far. Also, sorry for any spelling/grammar errors. I was lazy on the editing. I'll try and be better. Anyway, review and let me know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

They rode in silence, Merlin and Arthur that is. Gwaine didn't seem to know the meaning of silence, as he joked around with the rest of the knights and laughed loudly. They had a lot of things on their mind and didn't notice the silence of the other. Both reminisced over their dreams, playing it all over in their head. The main thing that played on their minds was Merlin's sleepy 'I love you.'

Merlin tried to kid himself that it never left his dream but the heavy feeling in his gut told him otherwise. Arthur wasn't sure what to make of it. He knew Merlin was still asleep. Beautifully lost in sleep, Arthur thought as he pictured Merlin's face in the calmness of dreams. Arthur thought of the mysterious lady the knights had teased Merlin about yesterday. Was he dreaming of her? Arthur glanced to Merlin in the hope of some answers when Merlin looked up. Their eyes locked momentarily before Merlin looked away.

It took Arthur a moment to tear away his stare. He felt a pang in his heart because Merlin looked away and he wanted to kick himself. Why was he being so pathetic? Arthur felt a bubble of anger towards himself. Why did he have to feel this way? He couldn't even look at Merlin without his insides feeling like they were being squeezed or flipping. When he argued and joked with Merlin he felt a childish happiness but when he didn't he wanted to mope around for the rest of the day. Why was it that his mood depended so much on the simple things Merlin did?

'Are we near Cenred's kingdom, Arthur?' Gwaine shouted from the back.

'Yes,' Arthur said rolling his eyes. 'If you wouldn't mind not alerting all the patrols, that would be helpful.' The other knights sniggered and Merlin smirked which Arthur spotted causing his insides to squirm happily. Arthur couldn't resist smiling when Merlin looked over, their smiles increasing slightly before they both mutually looked away, if only to hide their uncontrollable increasing smiles.

'Time to rest the horses, Sire?' Leon asked in a hushed tone from behind them.

'Hmm,' Arthur murmured, his eyes slightly glazed over.

'We should rest the horses,' Merlin repeated, looking over to Arthur.

'Oh, yes. The horses,' Arthur said falling back into reality a little dazed. They dismounted their horses, tying them to the trees as they set out on foot. Merlin walked at Arthur's side. He was always at his side. He could protect him at his side, be his friend and give him advice. He could be everything Arthur needs and wants but it wasn't everything that Merlin wanted. Sure, Merlin would be happy to be Arthur's servant forever; he didn't begrudge any of that. He just wanted more.

Lost in his thoughts, Merlin's clumsiness increased and he tripped slightly on a tree root, stumbling into Arthur and holding onto his arm to regain balance. Arthur sighed and pulled Merlin up by grabbing the back of his clothes. Merlin looked at him apologetically and Arthur raised his eyebrows shaking his head.

'Honestly, Merlin. You've been walking for a minute,' Arthur said looking Merlin up and down and trying to not let his eyes linger too long. Merlin just shrugged, unable to come up with a quick reply whilst Arthur was staring at him, stealing the air from his lungs. The knights sniggered as they walked past the pair who had stopped in their steps, Gwaine patting Merlin on the back, close to where Arthur had grabbed him.

'Okay, everyone,' Arthur called, his tone serious now. 'It'll be best to separate now. Stay in the forest and don't stray too far.'

'Won't we all need our own Merlin?' Percival asked.

'What?' Arthur said, slightly taken aback. As always, Arthur assumed and misinterpreted what had been said in a way that would connect to his feelings for Merlin.

'Well, only Merlin can identify the actual herb,' Percival explained as if it was obvious which Arthur had to admit it should have been but he had been distracted.

'Tough,' Arthur replied. 'You're just going to have to collect everything you think looks like the herb and Merlin will decipher which is which when we get back.'

'Can Merlin come with me then?' Asked Gwaine, in the hopes that having Merlin with him means they will only collect the correct herb, meaning less work.

'Don't be silly,' Leon said. 'Arthur wants Merlin to himself.'

'Make sure everybody is back here before sundown,' Arthur said trying to ignore Leon's comment. Arthur began to walk away, through a parting in the trees. 'Hurry up, Merlin.' The knights shouted complaints and some just laughed as they began to separate into pairs and heading out in different directions as Merlin ran to catch up with Arthur who had stormed ahead.

Arthur kept up his quick pace purposely as he could feel his face blushing. He knew he was probably taking this all the wrong way. How could anyone know about his feelings for Merlin? Arthur thought back to the expression on Leon's face after he had watched Merlin walk away. Surely that didn't mean anything though. Arthur let his thoughts and paranoia cloud over his mind. His thoughts were loud and demanding and Arthur felt wary. Had he been too obvious?

'Arthur!' Merlin shouted from behind him, slightly breathless. Arthur's chest panged at Merlin's slightly desperate sounding voice. He had almost forgotten Merlin was behind him. He didn't stop to wait for him though.

'Keep up, Merlin,' Arthur said. 'We have a long day ahead of us.'

'I know that, you pillock but we're supposed to be collecting herbs,' Merlin called his voice a little high as he half ran after Arthur, trying to not look at his backside too much.

'Pillock?' Arthur paused, turning around. Merlin was right in front of him then and struggled not to fall into his arms, due both to physical and mental needs. Arthur pressed a hand against Merlin's chest to steady him and both of their breath's hitched as Arthur wavered, his hand on Merlin longer than necessary. Neither said anything, just stared at each other. Merlin struggled to catch his breath whilst Arthur's hand was still pressed against his chest. He looked to the hand and Arthur snatched it away, clearing his throat. 'Pillock?' He said again, his eyebrows raised this time, trying to return the usual atmosphere between them.

'Yes, pillock,' Merlin agreed, his lips curling into a cute smile as he bowed his head. 'Now we should look for the herbs.'

'That would be for the best,' Arthur said. They both turned away from each other in search of the herbs but more so that they could hide their faces. An outstretched smile brightened their whole being, shown in the newfound twinkle in their eyes, as they blushed, ducking their heads whilst they began their search for herbs. It only took a little thing, an exchange of insults or a warm smile and their moods were uplifted and spirits raised. It was something they could store away as happy times, something they could remember when they were feeling down. It was always something that could make them feel that bit better.

They collected herbs in almost silence, occasionally catching a secret glance of the other, except sometimes it wasn't so secret, when their eyes met and they smiled or nodded in greeting and looked away again. Sometimes Arthur would consult Merlin for advice on whether the herb he held was the actual herb they needed. They often exchanged insults, meant to encourage the other in their work.

Merlin felt his heart swoon in the moments of pure happiness. There was nothing better than time spent with Arthur. Insults, smiles, glances and the comfortable silences. It was times when they could just be themselves and not try too hard. It was time they both enjoyed. Just the two of them together; forgetting their worries and working in harmony. It was times like this that they could almost feel their dreams. It was somewhere in between their dreams and true reality.

* * *

Silence had fallen over them again as they searched for herbs trying to collect as many as they could. Whilst they could occasionally let their worries slip away, whilst in this bubble, they still remembered those in Camelot; those who had fallen ill and depended on them. These responsibilities especially weighed down on Arthur. If they didn't get the herbs back to Gaius, Arthur would blame himself. Merlin knew this, he knew this was why they worked so hard but he also knew when enough was enough.

'Arthur,' Merlin called his tone gentle and almost soothing.

'What is it, Merlin?' Arthur replied still crouching and comparing herbs in his hands to the ones in the ground.

'It's almost sun down. We should probably head back now,' Merlin said walking over to where Arthur was. His shadow loomed over Arthur and he frowned standing up and turning to face Merlin the herbs in his hand.

'There is a large section of herbs that I'm trying to sort out here,' Arthur moaned, showing the herbs to Merlin. Merlin pressed his lips together tightly so not to laugh at Arthur's frowning face and sulky voice. Arthur was very cute when he was tired. He took the herbs from Arthur's hands, their skin brushing, causing Arthur's stomach to churn and the hairs on the back of Merlin's neck to rise, as he began to sort them out. Arthur swallowed and then mumbled, 'Thank you.'

'You could have just asked, if you needed help,' Merlin said not looking up. Arthur used this to his advantage and stared at him unapologetically.

'I'm the king, Merlin. I don't need your help,' Arthur said his tone teasing and smug yet his thoughts shouted insults at himself for sounding stupid and again putting up that boundary.

'Sure you don't,' Merlin said, looking up to Arthur, his eyebrows raised sarcastically until he noticed Arthur's stare, causing his face to soften. Merlin cleared his throat and tried to remember his thoughts before he was absolved of them by the beauty of Arthur's face and the intensity of his eyes. 'Everything I do for you then...'

'That isn't help, Merlin,' Arthur interrupts. 'That is your work.'

'Hmm,' Merlin mumbled whilst throwing down the unneeded herbs and weeds and putting away the herbs they had came here for. 'So, me sorting out your herbs?'

'That is still work,' Arthur said, now standing so close to Merlin they were almost touching.

'No, I don't think so,' Merlin started, also noticing the lack of personal space between them but not doing anything to correct this.

'Fine,' Arthur said, folding his arms, which brushed against Merlin's stomach and slightly pushing his top up. Merlin tensed and moved back but they tried to ignore that. 'It doesn't count as help for me though. You have a responsibility and are helping Camelot,' said Arthur in a so there voice.

'Is that right, Sire?' Merlin said, putting an emphasis on 'sire' and raising his eyebrows.

'I, ugh,' Arthur said at a loss for words, which was a first. Merlin smirked until, 'You win then.'

'Sorry, what?' Merlin said. 'Did you just admit defeat?'

'Shut up, Merlin,' Arthur said looking away.

'I can't believe it. You admitted you were wrong,' Merlin said, flabbergasted.

'No, really. Shut up, Merlin,' Arthur said grabbing hold of Merlin's arm, instantly silencing Merlin, and looking around. They both listened for any unexpected sounds but heard none. Merlin looked at Arthur questioningly and Arthur let go of Merlin's arm, his shoulder relaxing slightly. The sound of a twig breaking caused them to tense again, as Arthur grabbed for his sword with one hand and pushed Merlin back with his other.

Through the trees on the hill that surrounded them emerged a group of charging guards, who they expected where Cenred's men. Their swords out, rushing towards them, didn't scare Arthur as he ran forward to battle the two at the front. Merlin tried to fend for himself with the sword that Arthur had always insisted he have with him.

Merlin struggled to stand his ground as the larger man attacked him with heavy swings of his sword. Arthur taking down his own opponents rushed to help Merlin and ignored the other two enemies who ran towards them. One of Cenred's men sent a shower of arrows towards them. Fortunately, most of them missed all but one. One arrow pierced through into Arthur's thigh but still he fought them, trying to keep Merlin behind him.

Arthur turned to fight the enemy with the bow and arrow and the last rushed forward to attack Merlin. With Arthur not looking, Merlin sent a rush of magic, his eyes flashing gold and sweeping the enemy of his feet with a thump and knocking him out. Arthur took down his opponent and turned to face Merlin, who rushed over to him.

'I'm okay, Merlin,' He tried to ensure him. 'It's just a flesh wound.'

'I need to take it out,' Merlin said, looking into Arthur's eyes for approval. Arthur nodded, bracing himself, one hand on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin took a deep breath and counted to three before pulling it out swiftly. Merlin wished he could use his magic to heal the wound but that was still secret and he wasn't ready to take the risk.

'Thank you,' said Arthur, trying to stand straight and disguise his pain.

'You should let me look at it,' Merlin said, the concern heavy in his tone but he couldn't think about silly things like keeping his tone natural when Arthur was hurt.

'Honestly, Merlin,' Arthur said, trying to roll his eyes, only he closed them wincing as he walked. 'I'm okay. Really.'

'I know you think I'm stupid but I know a thing or two,' Merlin said grabbing Arthur's arm to stop him from walking. Arthur turned around to face Merlin and he removed his hand.

'I'm... I'm,' Arthur stuttered. 'Merlin, I think I've been poi...' Arthur began to lose his balance and Merlin put his hands on his waist trying to steady him. Arthur wasn't steadied though. He fell into Merlin's arms, losing consciousness and resting his head on Merlin's shoulders.

'Oh, God. Arthur? Arthur, please wake up,' Merlin begged, struggling under his weight. Arthur didn't say anything though. He was out cold. Merlin panicked for a moment not knowing what to do. He may have learned how to handle himself and keep calm when working alongside Gaius but he always panicked when it came to Arthur. Merlin couldn't handle Arthur being hurt or knowing that his life was in his hands. Merlin hated that if he didn't have the power of knowledge that he could lose Arthur forever.

Merlin sank to the ground, holding Arthur carefully. Merlin lay Arthur on the floor, removing himself from under him and quickly checked his leg. He had been poisoned. It was an unusual poison but he had seen Gaius handle this type of poison before. Taking a deep breath, Merlin leaned over to begin to suck the poison from the wound on Arthur's thigh.

Spitting out the last bit of poison, mixed with Arthur's blood, Merlin took his neckerchief, untying it from around his neck and wrapping it around Arthur's thigh. Once Merlin had taken care of Arthur's wound he sat back, crossing his legs and letting out a sigh. Looking down into his lap, Merlin let the tears that he had been holding back fall to the ground. He could have lost him. Merlin had faced this before, Arthur nearly dying, but it never got any easier to deal with.

His heart pounded as he let his tears fall, the what if's swarming his mind. He couldn't bear to live without Arthur. As much as he made his life difficult he wouldn't give it up for anything. He needed Arthur as much as he needed him. Arthur was his purpose in life, his destiny. He was also his best friend, the one he loved. He was the one he would give up everything for. Merlin's sobs grew thicker and he struggled to breath. Arthur was his everything.

Merlin looked up and stared at Arthur's face, just watching him breathe. Merlin calmed down, his sobs dying down, knowing he wasn't going to lose Arthur, not yet and he couldn't bear to think of a time when he would. Arthur's face was calm and Merlin smiled slightly, wiping away his tears with the back of his sleeve. He was okay, Merlin reassured himself. Merlin reached out and touched Arthur's hair, cautiously at first but when Arthur slept undisturbed, Merlin stroked it, smoothing it under his hand. Merlin breathed in Arthur's scent and removed his hand from his hair, wiping at his face again. He was okay.

* * *

**A/N: Happy Saturday! Hopefully with me updating on Saturdays that will ease the pain of hiatus slightly. Please review. All feedback and comments are helpful and appreciated. **


	7. Chapter 7

Merlin sat amongst the dead, clutching Arthur in his arms, his whole body shaking with both sobs and chills. Merlin's body and soul felt cold even though sweat trickled down his face joining the warm, salty tears that fell. The battle had been over for a while but he was unable to move. His legs wouldn't co-operate and he didn't want them to either. He wouldn't leave Arthur here.

Merlin shook Arthur desperately, hoping to somehow stir him, Arthur did not. Merlin held Arthur to his chest, his tears dripping down into Arthur's hair as he stroked it, whispering to him.

'Arthur, please. Please wake up. I need you to wake up. Camelot needs its king,' Merlin whispered, his breath hitching and his voice dry and frail. 'I need you.' Merlin tried shaking Arthur again but it was no use. The knights tried to keep their distance, their faces glum with loss as well as mixed with concern for Merlin.

Merlin didn't pay attention to the knights. His tears blurred up his vision, blurred the reality although the reality lay in his arms, against his chest. He could just see the messy heap of golden hair on Arthur's head which he had stopped threading his fingers through in order to hold Arthur closer to him. The blood that Merlin hadn't been able to stop was still seeping out from Arthur's wound and covering them both. The blood was warm and Merlin feared the time when it would turn cold, knowing it would come soon.

'Merlin,' one of the knights called. Merlin wasn't sure who. All his senses seemed blurred and he felt tired. Merlin flinched when he felt a warm, firm hand on his shoulder and looked up through wet lashes to see who it was. 'We should take him home, Merlin,' Percival said, his voice soft and his own eyes grief stricken.

Unable to speak, Merlin just shook his head and then turned back to Arthur, resting his own head on Arthur's. Merlin wasn't ready to say goodbye. He shouldn't have to. Arthur couldn't die. He couldn't. How could Arthur be dead? They'd won the war but it wasn't a victory. They had lost their king, therefore all was lost.

'Come on, Merlin,' Leon said, kneeling in front of them both, a tear falling down his cheek as he looked at his king, his friend, before wiping it away and looking at Merlin again.

'He can't die,' Merlin whimpered, shaking his head as if trying to wake up from a nightmare.

'I know, I know,' Leon said, in an attempt to be comforting but also because he couldn't quite believe it himself.

'I love him,' Merlin whispered as more tears rolled down his face. Merlin didn't even contemplate wiping them away.

'We know,' Leon said reassuringly but then his own voice was breaking. He looked up as if to calm himself and took a deep breath. 'He's dead and we need to go home.' Merlin wanted to argue with him. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want all this to seem real but the look of desperation in Leon's eyes forced him to nod and gently unfold his arms from around Arthur.

Leon began to pick Arthur up but struggled, his body weak from the battle and the loss of his friend. Percival rushed over to help, picking up Arthur in his arms and walking to the horse that Elyan held the reins on. Merlin didn't try to move, just sat there in disbelief, feeling like his heart would give out any second. He held his chest as if trying to stop the physical pain he felt in his heart but he knew there was nothing in his power that he could do to stop it.

Gwaine stood at Merlin's feet and reached down to grab Merlin's hands and pull him to his feet. Merlin fell into Gwaine's arms and buried his face in his chest as more sobs emerged. Gwaine held him, unsure of how to console him, perhaps knowing that it wasn't possible. All the knights felt grieved at the loss of Arthur but they seemed to understand the bond he had with Merlin. So, they didn't question, they just knew.

Eventually, Merlin stood straight, wiping at his face, which didn't help as they were still covered in blood and dirt but it didn't bother him. His eyes were swollen and puffy as he had spent the last few hours purging his body of all the tears and sobs he had to Arthur. He didn't care about that though. That wouldn't bring Arthur back. He should have saved him but he couldn't. It was all his fault.

Everyone looked to Merlin, who gave them a small nod, initiating the start to their journey home. However Merlin didn't have a home now. Arthur was what he went back to, what he lived for. Now that was gone, what was the point? He would never belong anywhere. He would never have purpose. He had one purpose, one destiny and he had messed that up. Why should he, how could he, live without Arthur?

They all trudged together in silence, like the walking dead, towards the gates of Camelot. People rushed to gather around, to greet them, their faces happy to see their men home. In a wave their smiles disappeared as they saw their king; their lost king. Some turned their head as if the pain of looking and the pain of the reality was too much to bear. Others cried out and the word spread fast before they had even saw Arthur's limp, bloodied body hang over the horse.

The knights were tired but that didn't stop them taking Arthur from the horse in order to carry him properly home. Before they could get inside Gwen ran outside and screamed at the sight of her husband's body, his lifeless body on the shoulders of Leon, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan. They bowed their head in respect of their queen and continued inside. She didn't go in after them but ran to Merlin who had just made it to the steps.

She threw herself into his arms, much to his surprise as he looked up from his feet. She cried into his shoulder and he felt the all too familiar feeling of tears stinging his eyes. He didn't have the strength to fight them so he let them fall onto her shoulder as he held her back. Tristan and the other knights tried to usher the people of Camelot away in order to give them privacy, not that they noticed the many staring faces, some shocked and others tear stained.

'You weren't supposed to bring him home this way, Merlin,' Gwen stifled. 'You were supposed to protect him.'

'I know,' Merlin cried. 'I know. I'm sorry.' Merlin didn't think his heart could possibly hurt anymore than it already was but he was very wrong. His heart felt burning and empty. It felt like it was sinking into the pit of his stomach as his fears and his thoughts were confirmed. He should have protected Arthur. He should have brought him home properly.

'I didn't mean that, Merlin.' Gwen said stepping back but still in his arms and he still in hers. She was shaking her head in disbelief of her own words. 'It's not your fault.' Merlin shook his head, the tears flying at the abrupt movement as he bit his wobbling lip. She pulled him in close and they both cried.

'Your highness,' a maid called, startling them both. Merlin and Gwen hadn't noticed anyone else. They held each other in their weakness, knowing they had both lost the man they loved and not having the ability to care about anything else. They both turned to the young maid and blinked at her. 'You should come in side,' the maid said and then adding, 'my queen.'

Gwen squeezed Merlin's hands and then let him go, walking alongside her handmaiden into the castle. Merlin looked around and spotted Gaius. Merlin smiled weakly as Gaius walked over to him, embracing him.

'Oh, my boy,' he whispered into Merlin's hair and squeezing him.

'I couldn't save him, Gaius. I should have but I...' Merlin said unable to go on and thankful for Gaius interrupting him.

'No, Merlin. You're not to blame,' Gaius said and then pulling out of the hug so he could look Merlin in the eye. 'This isn't your fault, Merlin.'

Merlin just blinked at him, his eyes were tired now and he felt himself losing consciousness. It had been a long day and the constant crying had made him feel even more tired.

'Let's get you home, m' boy,' Gaius said and pulling Merlin along who nodded and let himself be taken. He didn't have the strength to fight it, even if he wanted to. Merlin didn't remember walking all the way to his bedroom, let alone cleaning, changing and getting into bed but he lay there alone in their near darkness as his eyelashes fluttered.

A breath of cold fingered up his spine and he recognised this feeling. He wished with every ounce of his being that it was the feeling of waking up. He had wished for this all day but it never came and he had begun to assume it never would. Merlin didn't fight the closing of the dream, the dragging of his soul from dreams to reality. He embraced it, urged it on.

Blinking, he saw blurred light through his sleepy eyes. He felt warm hands on his arm as he was being shaken. A familiar smell; a familiar being. Merlin's heart livened up, beating hard in his chest as he realised who it was. Arthur shook him but Merlin couldn't find it in himself to move or even speak just yet.

'Merlin, get up you lazy pillock,' Arthur shouted.

'Hey!' Merlin said finding his voice. 'You can't use pillock against me.'

'Of course I can,' Arthur laughed. 'What's yours is mine, Merlin, and not vice versa.'

Merlin could argue with that, not because it was particularly witty or left him speechless but because it was typically Arthur. His Arthur. He was alive and it had all been a dream, a nightmare. He had never had a nightmare before. Not this kind of nightmare anyway. Like his Arthur infused dreams it was realistic, not like the usual strands of thought and images that regular dreams were.

'Having a nightmare, were you?' Arthur asked breaking the momentary silence as Merlin lost himself in his thoughts.

'What?' Merlin said shocked and snapping back to reality quicker than expected.

'You were crying,' Arthur said, his voice almost portraying concern.

'I don't want to talk about it,' Merlin said looking down.

'Fine,' Arthur said. 'Just trying to be a friend.' Merlin didn't say anything. This had left him speechless and all he could do was laugh. Arthur stared for second but then laughed too. It felt good to laugh after all that crying. Merlin could feel his heart piece together bit by bit as he sat in the morning light laughing with Arthur.

* * *

Merlin insisted that Arthur leaned on him for support, his leg was still healing. Of course Arthur protested but eventually gave in although he did say, 'Fine, if it will stop you nagging.' Merlin hadn't responded to that and they walked through the trees in silence. Merlin was deep in thought, his eyes glazed over and his body on autopilot. Arthur stared at Merlin intensely and was surprised Merlin couldn't feel his gaze burning into his face.

Arthur continued to stare as they made their way back to the assigned rendezvous. Merlin still didn't notice. He pondered the nightmare and how realistic it was. He always found the dreams to be weirdly realistic, of course but the nightmare left him unsure, nervous and even scared. Merlin didn't often feel scared as it wasn't so often he felt powerless. The secrets piled up and were beginning to get too heavy for him to carry.

Could he tell Gaius about the nightmare and avoid mention of the dreams? He knew the nightmare was obviously influenced through the events of the day before but was that just it? Was it that his power enhanced his thoughts into these realistic dreams? Or was it something else? Merlin didn't know. He racked his brains as the memory and thought of the nightmare scratched away at his skull. Merlin sighed, his brain aching, and rolled his eyes, noticing Arthur's stare.

Arthur ducked his head, breaking the eye contact but then resuming it before Merlin could look away, looking conflicted with himself. Merlin was unsure what to think of Arthur's actions but couldn't help the corner of his lips curling into a smile. Arthur was very cute when he looked conflicted, his brow furrowed and his hand restless.

'You fixed up my leg,' Arthur stated, breaking the silence. His tone was matter of fact and Merlin struggled to read it.

'Yes,' Merlin said in the hopes that Arthur would continue.

'I was poisoned?' Arthur said questioningly.

'Yes but I got it out,' Merlin replied. Arthur raised an eyebrow confused, perhaps, Merlin wasn't sure. Arthur was, unusually, hard to read. 'I sucked the poison out and then bound it,' Merlin explained.

'You,' Arthur said gesturing towards Merlin's neck and noticing the missing neckerchief. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome,' said Merlin, taken aback by Arthur's sincerity and lack of jokes and mocking but he didn't want to ruin the moment just yet so he chose to smile instead. Arthur returned the smile, causing Merlin's heart to flutter and his cheeks to dimple as his smile spread. Arthur giggled and pulled Merlin in to ruffle his hair.

Once Arthur had loosened his hold, Merlin sighed and was glad his pants were fairly loose as well as for the shadows in the forest. His heart had been through enough turmoil on this quest and he didn't think sporting a boner whilst the king leaned on him would help him much. At least he was at Arthur's side. After experiencing what losing Arthur would feel like, nightmare or not, Merlin vowed to himself to be more grateful just to have Arthur in his life. Though, he wasn't sure how long that would last.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's late guys. I got a horrible v***s on my computer. I'm scared to even say the word. It was a horrible time for me. Updates will return to usual. Also, I have a beta now, yay! Please review. And tell me if anyone cried. **


	8. Chapter 8

'Where have you been?' said Leon, sitting in the midst of sleeping knights. His face was pale except for the dark circles around his eyes and his was a contortion of worry and anger.

'Sorry, we got caught up,' Arthur began, unable to finish his explanation as Leon stood up, the anger dominating the worry.

'I waited up all night. We tried searching but it was pointless in the dark,' Leon said hurriedly, stumbling over his words as they raced off his tongue. Some of the knights began to stir at the sudden break in silence.

'Leon...' Arthur said his voice small.

'What? Do you know it's dangerous? You could have been hurt?' Leon said, getting ahead of himself. Elyan and Percival sat up as did most of the knights apart from Gwaine who pulled his cloak over his face.

'Leon!' Merlin said, stopping Leon mid rant. Leon looked at Merlin slightly taken aback. Once gaining Leon's attention, Merlin gestured toward Arthur's leg with a flick of the head and raised eyebrows. Looking to Arthur's leg, Leon saw a band of red and looking back to Merlin noticed it was his neckerchief.

'Oh. My apologies, sire,' Leon apologised, embarrassment evident in his tone.

'It's forgotten,' Arthur said, his voice sincere and understanding. 'Don't worry about it.'

'I was worried. I thought you were just...' Leon trailed off, his cheeks slightly reddening. Merlin was sure he was blushing. The sun wasn't too bright yet but he was certain Leon was actually blushing.

'What did you think I was doing? Spending quality time with Merlin?' Arthur said jokingly and regretting it almost instantly. Yes he had been injured but he did consider the time he spent with Merlin, well, special. Damn him and his big over defensive scared of feeling mouth.

'Well,' Leon said raising his eyebrows, almost suggestively before turning away. Arthur and Merlin simultaneously looked at each other and then immediately away struggling not to turn red.

'I'll go collect wood,' Merlin said but then blushing harder and not looking at anyone. 'For a fire. Erm, breakfast,' he stuttered before rushing away. _What was that about?_ Merlin leaned his back against a tree and buried his face in his hands almost shuddering. No one knew he had feelings for Arthur. They just couldn't. The idea was preposterous.

What if somehow Leon did know? No. That didn't make sense. It was obviously just some joke. Merlin knew the best thing to do was to put it from his mind but that was impossible. He slowly pulled his hands from his face which was still burning with embarrassment. Why couldn't he just have a crush on a maid or something? Merlin sighed and began to pick up wood. That idea was more ridiculous than Leon knowing about his feelings for Arthur.

After collecting enough wood and taking deep breaths in order to cool his face, Merlin set back to the clearing where most of the knights were up and talking. All except for Gwaine. Merlin dropped the pile of wood next to where Gwaine lay, startling him into the reality of being awake. Gwaine jumped up on guard until he noticed it was just Merlin and tried to turn away, lying back down.

'G' 'way, Merlin,' Gwaine mumbled and the knights laughed. Gwaine just pulled a face before hiding it under his arms.

'I'll take that to mean you don't want breakfast then,' Merlin said, hands on hips, aware of the attention of the amused knights who loved nothing more than watching Gwaine being awaken. Merlin was the only one who could get him up with the allure of food.

'Fine. I'm up. I'm up,' Gwaine said sitting bolt right up and frowning at the daylight. The knights giggled before carrying on with their conversations. Merlin bent down, picking up to sticks so to start a fire. Of course Merlin could easily light the fire with almost no effort and a flash of golden eyes but that wasn't really an option so he fumbled with the sticks. Fortunately, he'd had plenty of practice.

Rubbing the sticks together in order to create the required friction, he let out a sigh. Maybe he could just use his magic, just this once. Looking up to scope the area was sidetracked when he noticed Arthur staring at him. Merlin forgot what he had looked up for and almost what he was doing. Arthur on the other hand, took a moment to realise that his secret glances weren't glances anymore but longing stares and they also weren't so secret. Upon this realisation, after momentarily locking eyes with Merlin, he turned away desperate not to blush anymore in Merlin's presence, at least for today that was.

Arthur's stare gone Merlin felt cold for a second before remembering the sticks in his hands and began to twist them against each other viciously, resulting in sparks. Merlin longed to look at Arthur, not just to check if he was looking at him but just because. Arthur's face warmed his heart, it also made his stomach a bee hive of nerves and his mind turn to frogspawn as if he were a young maiden. Merlin didn't dare look at Arthur all through breakfast.

* * *

Entering Camelot on horseback gave Merlin chills, dragging his mind back to the nightmare that had tormented him the night before. Instead of being greeted by solemn looks and cries of despair, they were greeted with looks of delight and cries of happiness. The people were happy to see their king home, alive and well, in hopes to bring them back the medicine they or their loved ones needed.

Merlin allowed his eyes to drift over to Arthur, knowing he would be distracted by his people. His face was warm and politely smiling, the love for his people evident. They depended on Arthur and they loved him too. Arthur would always put his people first, a barrier in their way, not that it was the only one. Still Merlin smiled, knowing he could never have Arthur the way he wanted. He smiled because at least he had Arthur, safe, well and forever a dollop head but that was okay too because he was his dollop head.

'Merlin?' Arthur said, almost commanding which Merlin would never admit sent shivers up his spine and down to other places.

'Sire?' Merlin replied his tone mocking. He dismounted his horse mirroring Arthur and the other knights followed.

'Take my things to be cleaned and the rest to my chambers,' he said, his lips curling. Arthur loved to boss Merlin around, not because he was his master but for the satisfaction of Merlin's never ending amusing facial expressions, not that he'd ever admit that.

'What about the herbs?' Merlin asked his face in an expression of what Arthur read as feigning shock that he hadn't asked of the herbs first. He also knew it was in the hopes to get out of other chores, for now anyway. Arthur fought back the face breaking smile threatening to appear at the sight of yet another priceless Merlin expression and what Arthur considered being able to read it to the letter. It was a skill that he kept to himself, being able to read Merlin.

'Well, of course,' Arthur said, pausing to watch Merlin's face relax in what seemed to be relief before continuing. 'You'll take the herbs to Gaius instantly and then you can get my clothes cleaned and take my things to my chambers.' Arthur couldn't fight back the smile that formed at the sight of Merlin's annoyance. 'Today, Merlin.' Arthur turned and headed up the stairs, hearing the uttering of 'prat' before going through the doors, smiling.

* * *

Merlin found Gaius wiping his brow in the castle, watching over many patients. His face screwed up and worn out relaxed when he saw Merlin approaching. Gaius hugged Merlin, glad to see him home. Merlin remembered his nightmare, again, and was glad at the difference of the circumstances, again, thankful for the umpteenth time.

'Please tell me you got the herbs, Merlin,' Gaius said letting go of Merlin to look him in the face as if to show his desperation. Merlin took the satchel from his shoulders and opened it before presenting it Gaius.

'Will that be enough?' Merlin said, his face gleeful at his achievements.

'More than enough, m' boy,' Gaius said beaming at the excessive amount of herbs. 'Thank Arthur for me. It's of upmost importance that these people get the medicine soon.' Gaius squeezed Merlin's shoulder before leaving with the herbs in firm, gentle hands.

Merlin left, sighing at the many chores that awaited him. When he arrived in the courtyard, he found that all bags had been taken in and horses taken to their stables. Merlin blinked in disbelief. Arthur hadn't helped him again, had he? With a furrowed forehead and a small smile, he set off to Arthur's chambers to ensure he wasn't letting his imagination get the better of him.

A quick rap of knocking at the wooden doors to Arthur's chambers was the only announcement Merlin made before entering. Arthur was lounging on his bed, shirtless and reading important looking papers. And shirtless. Merlin wanted to turn around and walk back out just as Arthur looked up, almost as if he could hear Merlin's quickened heartbeat thumping away in his chest.

Arthur looked back down to his papers as if he hadn't seen Merlin. Merlin wished he could take this as a sign to just back out the door.

'Close the door, Merlin,' Arthur said looking up again. Merlin turned to shut the door, turning back to face Arthur, his back against the door as if he were scared to step further into the room. Just in the precaution that his will power will snap and he would be crawling on top of Arthur's lap desperate to taste him. He caught Arthur's gaze and gulped to which he was certain Arthur smirked at but it was gone before he could verify it.

'The clothes are over there,' Arthur said gesturing with his head to the pile of clothes and everything else Arthur had taken on their quest on the table. 'Someone brought them up. I would have asked them to be taken back for you to bring up but...' Arthur smirked. He definitely smirked this time, teasingly so, to which Merlin rolled his eyes at, walking over to the pile.

'Thought it was too good to be true,' Merlin muttered, gathering the clothes.

'What was that Merlin?' Arthur said, the smile evident in his voice and his tone still teasing.

'Nothing, Sire,' Merlin said. 'Cabbage head.'

'I missed that last part, Merlin,' Arthur said, his voice sickeningly thick with teasing smugness. Merlin could have sworn that Arthur's voice seemed closer but put the thought from his mind until he felt a presence behind him and a cool breeze of breath on the back of his neck making the hairs on his arms stand to attention. Merlin dropped the bundle in his arms and spun around quickly. Arthur, licking his lips like a predator, causing Merlin's heart to throb, sending a lot of blood southwards.

'Scare you, Merlin?' Arthur said, his face, will power testing, close to Merlin's. Merlin rolled his eyes and went to turn around before stopping, knowing he was too close to Arthur. In fact he was backed into the table and Arthur didn't seem to be generous on sparing space between them.

'What?' Merlin asked, feeling stupid but needing to say something before he melted at Arthur's feet. It should be banned for Arthur to stare at people like that, like he was dinner. Surely, looks like that were more harmful than magic. Merlin felt uncomfortable when Arthur didn't reply but didn't feel there was anything he could do and he wasn't sure he wanted to do anything.

'Did Gaius get the herbs?' Arthur asked stepping back without seemingly moving at all. Merlin felt he could breathe more freely now but not as much as he needed.

'Yes,' Merlin said managing to make eye contact with Arthur. 'He said to thank you.' Arthur nodded, looking down for a moment and then up to meet Merlin's eyes. His face was softer now, no smirks or smug satisfaction but complete sincerity. Merlin blinked, trying to not swallow again. He found smug, smirking Arthur, irritatingly sexy but the genuine softness that his face beheld now was nothing less than pure beautiful.

Arthur moved his arms from behind his back and one outstretched in the small space between him and Merlin. Merlin looked down to see a gathering of red material and then back up to Arthur.

'Your other was ruined so well, here,' Arthur said, rushing and matter of fact. Merlin didn't respond, apart from looking down to the red material in Arthur's hand and back to the blazing blue of his eyes. Arthur grabbed hold of Merlin's wrist, gently but in power, with his free hand and bringing it up to where his other hand was held. Merlin took hold of the material and Arthur let go, his skin still tingling from the touch.

Merlin unfolded it with his hands, concentrating so not to fumble. The shade of red was bolder than his neckerchief, it was Pendragon red. Smoothing it out with his hands Merlin noticed small embroidery in the corner. The Pendragon crest, the same that the knights wore, the same Arthur wore. Merlin looked up his eyes bright and questioning and meeting Arthur's waiting eyes.

'You're my manservant but that isn't all you are, Merlin,' Arthur said and pausing to bite his lip, unsure of how to go on. Merlin blinked hard as if trying to wake himself from a dream but it didn't happen. Arthur was still in front of him and the embroidered neckerchief was still in his hands.

'You're valuable,' Arthur began to which Merlin's eyes widened. 'To Camelot. To us all.'

'Even you?' Merlin asked before he could stop himself and almost wincing in case he ruined the moment.

'Well obviously, Merlin,' Arthur said. 'Amongst your clumsiness and the constant babble, you say something useful, you do something brave and loyal. You don't do it for honour or for rewards but just because... well I don't know why but you do. And I... we appreciate that Merlin.'

Merlin didn't know how to reply to this. Even in his dreams Arthur never said anything like this. There were rare occasions where he said something nice but they always took Merlin's breath away and his ability to put a sentence together. He looked down to the neckerchief and brushed his fingers over the dragon and then looking back to Arthur.

'We?' Merlin asked, thinking over the words Arthur had said and making sure to imprint them in his mind.

'We?' Arthur repeated. 'I appreciate it, appreciate you.' Arthur looked down and then back up through his eyelashes to Merlin, wishing he could read him as easily as he usually could. Merlin felt like his heart was going to explode and his whole body felt numb. 'Just put it on already, will you?'

Merlin's face lit up at this and lifted the neckerchief to his neck and fumbling to tie it at the back. Arthur turned him around, not saying anything and taking the ends from Merlin's giving hands and tying them. Merlin turned around slowly, uncertain for a moment, almost scared that he was going to wake up.

He put a hand to his neck to feel the material there, again checking this was all real. Merlin couldn't recall ever feeling so happy not even in a dream and they were hard to compete with. Arthur was acknowledging him, truly acknowledging him. Merlin felt a familiar fuzzy sensation in his nose. He tried desperately hard to fight any on coming tears.

'I... I don't know what to say,' Merlin stammered, looking up to Arthur and sighing, his hand still on the neckerchief.

'You don't have to say anything,' Arthur said and reaching to awkwardly pat Merlin's shoulder before turning to go back to bed. Merlin stood there, as if he had grew roots into the ground below him. Merlin shook his head slightly, trying to regain control over his body and began to move towards the door.

'Merlin?' Arthur called, his voice calm and causing Merlin's heart to beat so hard he was sure the inside of his chest would bruise.

'Yes?' Merlin replied turning around to look at Arthur, who was again lounging on the bed, shirtless. Merlin wished he would grow roots in the ground to stop himself from rushing over to the bed.

'The clothes,' Arthur said looking to the table. Merlin rushed to the table and collected the bundle of clothes and back to the door so quickly that Arthur would have been proud, not that he'd say. Merlin opened the door and then turned back to look at Arthur who looked up, as if he could sense Merlin's gaze.

'Thank you,' Merlin said, his voice as calm as he could possibly make it right now because he was trying not to shake with happiness and was holding back squeals. Arthur smiled at him and Merlin left before he could say anything, closing the door behind him.

Out of sight Merlin allowed the small smile take over his face in an ear to ear smile, his eyes crinkling up and his cheeks reddened in delight. He leaned against the cold stone wall, cooling his heated skin and let a small squeal of happiness escape his mouth. And still he didn't wake up.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this update is so late. I've been busy and just suck at keeping to a schedule so I'll post whenever I can. Hope you enjoy the chapter. Please review.**


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur's body is close to boiling point as he stands naked in his chambers lifting his leg to test the temperature of the bath water. Fortunately, Merlin was facing the other way, busying himself folding or doing something with clothes in order to give Arthur a bit of privacy. Over the years Arthur found bath time incredibly torturous and embarrassing. He used to contemplate the idea of getting a new manservant but that was impossible. Arthur had often picked out Merlin's faults but the thing is, he loved each and every one of them. Plus they were ridiculously overshadowed by Merlin's dazzling traits.

Dipping a toe into the water, Arthur waited for the temperature to reach his already hot, shivering skin. In less than a few seconds he was flinching, removing his toe and stumbling backwards resulting in Merlin turning around and Arthur feeling like he was being burned at a stake. Merlin stared for a moment, maybe a moment too long as he found himself unable to tear his eyes away from Arthur's beautiful form.

'Are you trying to scald me, Merlin?' Arthur blurted putting his hands on his hips and then instantly moving them to cover his crotch. Merlin ducked his head, desperately wanting and not wanting to look at Arthur all at once. He rushed over to the tub and kneeled down. He half lifted his head, considering looking at Arthur before deciding against it. He could already feel himself blushing as it was. It wouldn't do if he had to hurry out of the King's quarters trying to hide his hard on.

Merlin rolled his sleeve up and dipped his elbow into the water. Arthur waited for him to recoil so he could give him his best 'told you so' face but it didn't happen. After a few seconds, Merlin removed his arm, sighing, and stood up.

'Would you like me to add more cold water, princess?' Merlin said his face mockingly serious and his cheeks itching to laugh at Arthur's angry frown.

'I know you don't bathe Merlin but surely even you can realise that is too hot,' Arthur said haughtily and pulling a 'so there' smile.

'Oh very mature, you spoiled prat,' said Merlin before turning on his heel to fetch some cold water. In an effort to prove Merlin wrong and taking advantage of Merlin's back being turned, Arthur stepped into the water and sat down, regretting it instantly but too proud to jump back out.

'Forget it. I'll just have to deal with your clumsy, half efforts like I always do,' Arthur called, ensuring himself the heat that was attacking his senses was worth it.

'Half efforts?' Merlin questioned, turning to walk over to the tub. 'I thought you said I was valuable. Appreciated,' Merlin said stretching the words and holding his neckerchief to show Arthur the embroidery.

'You know, Merlin. If you're gonna use this against me every five seconds, I just may take it back,' Arthur said, knowing that would get to Merlin, hoping it would get to Merlin.

'You can't do that,' Merlin said, trying desperately to sound more shocked and hurt.

'You know I can,' Arthur said. 'I can do whatever I like.'

'You really are such a prat,' Merlin said, stopping to fumble with his neckerchief so he could put his hands on his hips and shake his head in almost disbelief.

'So you've told me,' Arthur retorted. 'And don't try changing the subject, Mer-lin. I will take that neckerchief off you if you don't stop being such a lousy servant.' Merlin frowned and Arthur took this as a sign to press further. 'Or worse, I'll make you take lessons from George.'

'Oh you wouldn't,' Merlin said not needing to fake any shock now but putting it on anyway.

'Oh, yes I would,' Arthur said, his voice seductively low and making the blood in Merlin's body rush so quickly southward that he felt dizzy for a moment. 'Now you need to consider how much you value that neckerchief or so help me...'

'You'll have to fight me for it,' Merlin said before he could stop himself. Okay, maybe that was slightly, more than slightly, too flirty but Arthur started it. Or perhaps Merlin's brain had started it but he was sure it was definitely Arthur.

'You're lucky I'm in the bath,' Arthur said, urging his voice to sound teasing and cool rather than the frustrated moan. He hoped Merlin didn't pick up on that.

'Oh, yes. Very lucky,' Merlin said sarcastically raising his eyebrows and tilting his head. Arthur sighed inwardly, thankful that his moan went unnoticed whilst Merlin thought he was going to melt on the spot or simply explode with want. With need. Merlin concentrated on keeping his breath from hitching and trying to not overly stare at Arthur, who was now splashing water onto his face.

Merlin could almost feel his legs go weak while Arthur pushed his hand through his hair seemingly not noticing Merlin's body wanting to collapse due to strain from holding himself back. He also didn't seem to sense the inner screams from Merlin who was watching droplets of water trail down Arthur's face and onto his chest. _Oh God._ Merlin had to get out of there.

'Will there be nothing else?' Merlin asked, hoping he wouldn't sound too desperate.

'Sorry to keep you from your chores, Merlin!' Arthur sighed, rolling his eyes. Merlin didn't stand around to give a smart reply in case Arthur changed his mind and turned to leave.

Once reaching the cold stones outside off Arthur's chambers and seeing no one was there, Merlin collapsed against the wall, blowing cool air on his face. This wall was beginning to become a saviour to Merlin, always there for Merlin to lean on and to help cool him down. The need to use this wall as support was also becoming increasingly more frequent. Thoughts filled with wet, naked Arthur and his growing need to escape from Arthur's chambers due to blood flushing his face or elsewhere, Merlin made his way through the castle, yet again dazed and dreamy.

* * *

Arthur couldn't resist but to let his hand slide under to the water and stroke his shaft, half hard at Merlin being distracted and well, just being there. He took advantage of the time he knew Merlin would be out of the room in order to dream some more. Arthur missed the dreams when they didn't come naturally in sleep so he created his own.

Holding his dick now, and brushing his thumb across the slit feeling the precum substance under the water, Arthur lulled his head back, succumbing to his fantasies. His fantasies held Merlin, naked and eager, so very eager for Arthur. Arthur decided that fantasy Merlin would climb into the tub and onto his lap and... Arthur jerked his hips forward, his eyes fluttering at the thought of fantasy Merlin sinking on top of him and taking Arthur in his hands.

'Let me take care of you,' Merlin whispered, his face next to Arthur's but not touching, his voice soft but firm sending shudders up Arthur's spine. Arthur completely surrendered to fantasy Merlin, wanting him, needing him.

Fantasy Merlin took charge, straddling Arthur's thighs and pushing Arthur's hands away, moving his hips in sync with his hand. Merlin alternated the activity of his free hand from pushing its way up Arthur's thigh and teasingly drawing back and then surprisingly straight back up to cup Arthur's balls, caressing them with his fingers.

Arthur groaned and Merlin hushed him, only making him groan more. Arthur continued to moan and buck his hips despite fantasy Merlin telling him otherwise. Fantasy Merlin lifted up, his hand still pulsing over Arthur's organ, and the other moving to Arthur's head to prop himself up as he leaned in to silence Arthur with a hungry, desperate kiss. Arthur found the kiss shocking but it was very welcoming even if it did render him momentarily breathless as Merlin brushed his tongue over his teeth, tasting him, and Arthur tasting him in return.

The kiss moved from desperate, licking and teasing to something deeper and more passionate. They were lost in the kiss, it enthralled them. A simple act, yet beautiful. An act which was personal and made them feel closer than ever. It wasn't a simple act but a miracle, something special and treasured.

Arthur's eyes were closed, not squeezed shut but relaxed, except for when they fluttered. Arthur's vision was darkness and beautiful imagination until it started to whiten from the edges, inwards. His whole body tingled with pleasure and pain, enjoying and savouring the moment but aching for the release, the moment where the world was all pleasure and nothing else.

He didn't want the moment to come just yet but he knew he couldn't hold it off much longer as fantasy Merlin broke of the kiss in order to leave kisses along his neck, nibbling his ear and pausing only to whisper words of want to Arthur, causing his body to feel both weak and strong, and fantasy Merlin still stroked, touched and jerked Arthur.

Arthur's body felt like air, like he was made out of water vapour, free and beautiful and amongst the stars as fantasy Merlin concentrated fully on Arthur, biting and sucking at his neck now, showing Arthur who had the control in this moment, in this fantasy. His back arched and his head rocked back as he knew he couldn't hold onto the moment any longer. Not fighting it and completely giving into it, Arthur came, his whole body shuddering into an arch and his toes curling.

Completely lost in the moment of euphoria, the only thing he could see was white light and the image of Merlin sitting upon him, smug and pleased before it began to fade; the only sound were the splashes of water and his moans of 'Merlin.' Arthur was completely unaware of the door opening and of Guinevere who stood at the other end of his chambers, who left before he came back to the reality of the world, fantasy Merlin completely gone now.

* * *

'Oh, hey Gwen,' Merlin said as she clicked the door carefully shut. 'You okay?'

'Merlin,' she squeaked her eyes looking lost and blurry. 'Arthur's busy. I'll come back later.'

'Okay,' Merlin said, his voice soft, as he noticed that Gwen couldn't quite make eye contact with him. She smiled and nodded before brushing past Merlin. Merlin couldn't think what he'd done to offend her. Well, besides being completely in love with her husband, but that was a secret.

Shrugging his shoulders, Merlin entered Arthur's chambers with the intent to ask him why Gwen looked like she had just seen a ghost but the sight of Arthur with just a towel wrapped around his waist and droplets of waters running down his chest and his abs defining his muscles made him appear like a statue: a statue of pure beauty, a symbol of courage and all things manly. Merlin inwardly shivered, longing to trace his fingers along the lines of Arthur's stomach or over the collar bones that were so beautifully proud.

Arthur turned around and saw Merlin; they both froze when catching sight of each other. For a moment the world was just the two of them but then they looked away again, continuing with their duties, with their lives. Always together, always so close but always seemingly so far.

* * *

**A/N: Look at me updating within a week of the earlier chapter. You're welcome haha. Please review. The more reviews I get the more encouraged I feel. Also, when/if I ever get a 100 reviews then you will be entitled to ask a question, possibly for spoilers. Enjoy the chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

Deep breath. Merlin's hand moves to the door handle and then quickly recoils. Another deep breath, in and out, in and out. Merlin really should have stopped himself daydreaming about Arthur on the way over. It had gotten him all flustered and the image of Arthur naked, waiting for Merlin, hungrily, possessed his thoughts. Obviously, Merlin knew that Arthur wouldn't be lying on his bed naked and waiting for Merlin... beckoning to Merlin, consumed with want for Merlin. Obviously.

Merlin reached for the door handle and snapped it open, pushing the door open hastily as if he was cleaning a wound with vinegar. You just had to do it. Merlin tried desperately hard not to think about it but his mind refused to cooperate. He looked down to the stones beneath his feet and breathed through his nose. It was just another day and Arthur was still Arthur and Merlin was just Merlin, his manservant.

Entering Arthur's chambers and closing the door behind him, Merlin looked, unable to help himself, to the bed. Merlin sighed, tilting his head slightly as the sight of Arthur sleeping and completely at peace consumed him, making time stop for a moment. Merlin stared guiltily at Arthur, making the most of the moment and only looking away to open the curtains, the sun shining fiercely in and making Merlin blink, momentarily aware of reality.

Turning his back on the light, Merlin sank back into his daze and stared at Arthur dreamily. Arthur didn't seem to have been affected by the invasive streams of sunshine; his long wispy eyelashes were gently brushing his face, his eyelids smooth and calm, and his stresses faraway. Merlin stood at the bed side looking over him for a moment and exhaling, the cool air causing Arthur's nose to scrunch up slightly. Merlin looked down, his eyes closing and a smile forming; committing Arthur's facial expression to memory.

'Arthur,' Merlin said, softly at first and laid a gentle hand on the top of Arthur's bare arm. Arthur didn't flinch at the touch and his eyes didn't flutter from the sound. Merlin tried again, his voice at a usual pitch and his hand shaking Arthur's shoulder, 'Arthur.' Arthur's eyes screwed up but he didn't move from Merlin's touch. 'Stop being childish and get up,' Merlin pouted, shaking Arthur with yet more force.

'Le' me alone, Merlin. Sleeping,' explained Arthur still refusing to open his eyes, still not moving from where Merlin's hand lay. Frustration didn't give Merlin much of a chance for him to appreciate the warm touch, the tingling between their skin as he began to shake Arthur again.

'Unfortunately, I can't leave you alone. Now get up,' Merlin said, wishing Arthur would get up already so that he didn't have to look at his teasingly, beautiful, chest. A beautiful naked chest, speckled with golden hair and truly remarkable muscles.

'Why don't you get down?' Arthur said sleepily, his mind not processing his words before he blurted them out.

'What?' Merlin said taken aback, his eyebrows raised. Merlin waited for a reply but Arthur had fallen back to sleep. 'Oh honestly, don't make me drag you.' Merlin shook Arthur's shoulder perhaps slightly too rough, his fingers digging in a little.

'Don't threaten me, Merlin. It's too early and not so hard,' Arthur said patting Merlin's hand but not removing it. Merlin eased his grip, his cheekbones red and his face hot.

'You think this is early?' Merlin huffed. 'Just get out of bed or so help me...' Merlin began to shake hard again but this time Arthur didn't leave it. Instead he grabbed at Merlin's wrist with his right hand and sitting up, took Merlin's wrist into his left hand, seemingly much more alert.

'That'll probably bruise now, you idiot,' Arthur said, punctuating each word, in the attempt to seem angrier.

'Yes, well,' Merlin stuttered, still a little shocked at Arthur's speed, and perhaps partly impressed. 'I can't say you didn't deserve it...' Merlin let out a small cry as Arthur pulled him forward and landed on the bed face first. With his hold still firmly on Merlin's wrist, Arthur swung his body around to straddle Merlin, pinning him to the bed.

'I could have you locked up, Merlin,' Arthur said slowly twisting Merlin's arm behind his back.

'Can't be worse than having to pick up your smelly socks,' Merlin gasped as Arthur pushed his arm up ever so slightly.

'You should apologise, Merlin,' Arthur said, happy that Merlin couldn't see his smile as he held him down.

'Why should...' Merlin began before letting out a whimper as Arthur pushed Merlin's arm that bit further. 'I'm sorry. Arthur, you're going to break it. Please,' Merlin moaned into the covers.

'Sorry, what was that Merlin?' Arthur said, biting his lower lip to stop a moan from escaping his lips as Merlin grumbled below him.

'I said, I'm sorry,' Merlin said, annoyed and being sure to convey that in every word, well at least he tried. Arthur let go of Merlin's arm and hesitated before getting off Merlin and leaning back into the pillows. Merlin crawled backwards, onto his knees and hugging his arm around his body, holding it with his other hand and sulking. 'Prat.'

Arthur giggled at Merlin's pout, his favourite of Merlin's many expressions, causing him to sulk and pout even more. Arthur ceased his laugh for a moment, to move closer to Merlin and take his arm, his face sincere to calm Merlin's attempts to pull away. Relaxing into Arthur's hold, Arthur examined Merlin's arm.

'It's fine. Besides, you got off lightly,' Arthur said, smirking. Merlin pulled his arm from Arthur's grasp. Arthur blinked at the loss of Merlin's arm and wasn't so amused by Merlin's sulking anymore. It was a different type of sulking, it felt cold and upsetting and Arthur didn't like it. 'Fine, I'm sorry. Now stop sulking.'

Merlin looked up for a moment, questioningly, his deep blue eyes staring right into him, and then decidedly his face was warming, the sulk melting away. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. His smile was small yet it lit up his entire face and it made Arthur's heart skip a beat. Merlin couldn't find the right words to say as he realised he was sitting on Arthur's bed face to face with Arthur. Merlin felt all gushy inside and knew he should really stop staring into Arthur's smiling eyes.

'Idiot,' Arthur said his smile not fading with a pleasant warmth in his voice.

'Prat,' Merlin replied, his face bright, his voice a little giddy.

Arthur reached out and punched Merlin in the arm, in a friendly manner but making Merlin hissing and grabbing his arm. Arthur just rolled his eyes.

'Oh don't start. That couldn't have hurt,' Arthur said reaching over to ruffle Merlin's hair before his hand was batted away.

'No, no you don't,' Merlin said leaning back. Arthur feigned a look of innocence but Merlin knew him too well and put a hand out to stop Arthur from leaning in to ruffle his hair. 'I think you've abused me enough for today.'

'Not even enough for the morning, Merlin,' Arthur teased, hitting Merlin's arm out the way but not leaning in to ruffle his hair. Merlin twirled his fingers around his neckerchief, something he did often, stroking over the embroidered crest and looking up as if to say _so there_. 'I will take that off you.'

'What? I didn't say anything,' Merlin said his eyes wide, like his smile. Arthur shook his head before lunging at Merlin, snatching for the neckerchief and Merlin wrapping his arms around himself as a defence mechanism. The pair fumbled around on the bed, wrestling and half laughing, making the most of this weird excuse to be so close to each other. That was until they heard a coughing noise coming from the doorway. Merlin lay on his back now, his arms in a tangled mess with Arthur's who sat on top of him. They both looked up, freezing, their smiles fading.

Arthur went very rigid, and practically hurled himself of Merlin. Merlin sat up and got off the bed, straightening himself out and walking to Arthur's desk so to straighten things out and to give him an excuse to keep his back turned. Their hearts were still beating loud and fast and even though they were now apart, they beat in sync. Arthur felt a pang of guilt in his stomach, like he'd been caught red handed. He hadn't been doing anything wrong, though subconsciously he knew he teased Merlin to get closer to him but other than that it had been seemingly innocent.

'An emergency hearing has been requested,' Guinevere said both her face and voice expressionless so not to acknowledge what she had just witnessed.

'I'll be down right away,' Arthur said trying to smile, trying to act like everything was normal. Everything _was_ normal. He and Merlin were just goofing around; his feelings had nothing to do with it. No one knew of his feelings. Guinevere simply nodded before turning and leaving. 'Merlin.'

Merlin was now standing in front of Arthur, folded clothes in his arms. Arthur took the shirt and pulled it on hurriedly. Merlin moved to help him but Arthur stepped back, feeling too guilty to even look at Merlin. Merlin moved back and Arthur sneaked a glance, his heart feeling heavy at the look of hurt and confusion on Merlin's face. Arthur knew he wasn't being fair to Merlin or Gwen. None of it was fair. He had tried to make the feelings fade away but they wouldn't and really, he wasn't sure he wanted them gone. If only things weren't so complicated.

'Are you not having breakfast, sire?' Merlin asked his voice neutral and almost cold. Arthur flinched at the use of sire.

'Not today,' Arthur said and then quickly adding, 'thank you, Merlin.'

'A big lunch then,' Merlin said a smile at the corner of his lips, breaking the tension between them.

'Are you trying to make me fat?' Arthur said, trying to clear the air. Pushing Merlin away was the last thing he wanted to do, though he often did.

'I would never,' Merlin said, mock offended. They both laughed, heading for the door. Once at each other's side, Arthur took the opportunity to put an arm around Merlin's neck and ruffle his hair. Merlin struggled to get free, huffing once out of Arthur's grasp and shaking his head. Arthur laughed and Merlin walked slightly ahead so that Arthur wouldn't see his widening smile. He just couldn't be mad at Arthur, especially when he valued each moment that they touched.

* * *

Merlin watched as Arthur comforted the shaken family that sought out the kings help. Arthur truly had the makings of a great king; he was already a great king. He cared for his people and put them above everything; even those who lived on the outlying villages. Merlin almost had to shake himself in order to stop his eyes blurring over, dreamy and lost as he gazed at Arthur.

'She... it... took my child,' cried the middle aged woman and then turning to sob into the chest of what seemed to be her husband who held her. He tried to hush her but his eyes were haunted and his attempt to sooth his wife was half hearted.

'What took your child?' Arthur said his voice soft and warming, stretching out to put a hand on the woman's arm.

'It was a monster, sire,' the woman's husband said, looking up now and into Arthur's eyes. 'My brother attempted to retrieve our boy from its grasp but at the touch he was... he was frozen.'

Arthur listened to every word, nodding and trying to take it all in. Merlin noticed the small furrowing of his eyebrows as he tried to work out what this meant. Arthur's eyes glanced over Merlin as he turned to look at Gaius, for some explanation. Were these people crazy from the cold? Or was there some horrifying truth in what they said?

'Sire,' Gaius said stepping forward. 'From what we've been told it sounds as if the winter has come with a higher price than we entailed.' Arthur frowned at the somewhat riddle manner in which Gaius spoke. 'The snow woman, Sire. Often known as the Yuki-onna.'

'But what is it?' Arthur asked. Gaius walked to his side in order to look at the frightened people who had witnessed this monster.

'It's a spirit,' Gaius continued. 'They're usually a woman who has died due to snow. The spirit will appear as a beautiful woman and is often accompanied with a child to entice parents searching for their own lost child. When you try to retrieve the child from her, you freeze in your place.' The parents nodded, the mother crying and muffling her snobs with her hands.

'We must go after the spirit then,' Arthur said, nodding and looking from Gaius to the parents and back again.

'Yes Sire, but beware, they have been known to freeze men with their icy breath alone. Their strength varies but she will be difficult to fight as she usually only appears in snow storms,' Gaius whispered.

'I will take great caution,' Arthur said. Gaius turned to leave when Arthur put a hand on his arm pausing him. 'Thank you, Gaius. Your knowledge, as always, is of a great help.'

'I'm always happy to be of help,' Gaius said before walking over to Merlin's side. Arthur's eyes followed Gaius and then met with Merlin's until he realised and looked away.

'We will set out in the morning,' Arthur told the still shaken people. 'You are welcome to rest here.' Arthur dismissed everyone and ensuring that his guests were taken care of before heading to the door and gesturing for Merlin to follow.

* * *

'That was a nice thing for you to do,' Merlin said breaking their silence as they headed to Arthur's chambers.

'It's my job, Merlin,' Arthur said, rolling his eyes. 'I protect my people.'

'Yes, I know that,' Merlin sighed. 'But you offering them a place to say and the way you acted...' Merlin trailed off realising he was practically gushing to Arthur himself.

'Why are you so surprised?' Arthur said stopping and putting an arm out to stop Merlin, who crashed into it, as horribly clumsy as always. 'Are you suggesting I'm horrible?'

'No, not at all,' Merlin said trying to cloud his sincerity with sarcasm and failing miserably, which amused Arthur, the corners of his mouth twitching. 'Just noticing is all.' Merlin shrugged, thankful that Arthur began to walk again because he could feel his face turn hot. 'Besides, you're only horrible to me.'

'Oh don't be such a baby,' Arthur teased. 'Maybe if I was horrible to you, you'd be a better servant.'

'I'm a great servant,' Merlin argued, slightly running to catch up.

'That's good to hear,' Arthur said. 'I need you to pack and we'll need more than usual due to the snow.' Merlin whined but didn't say anything, knowing it was useless; in fact it could possibly make it worse. Arthur smirked, opening the door to his chambers and heading to the other side to hide his gleeful face. He loved to tease Merlin.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter and are eager for the next. I'm grateful for all reviews, so please do review.**


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